The Black Hole
by BtotheAtotheNtotheG
Summary: Heartbroken, Beca tries to rebuild herself after the one and only Chloe Beale has left her. With the help of her friends can she overcome her heartache or will she let Chloe in once again. (Still deciding on the outcome becomes heart says Bechloe but I'm not sure yet...)
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Hey everyone! Have had this idea stuck in my head for the past several days and wanted to give this a shot. It's hard writing this because well, frankly it breaks my heart. But R &R and let me know of suggestions or anything really. Also check out my first fan fic called "Can it be?". I think I have an idea for a sequel to it but I don't want to disappoint! Thanks again! **_**_Lets get to the show..._**

 ** _Also I don't own PP or the small phrase I used from Easy A. The plot though is mine and Im not proud of heart break..._**

As I sit here and contemplated my life, I began to wonder why I just can't find my happy ending. Everything moved so fast and I can hardly contain all my emotions. It started great but somewhere along the lines a crack formed and it split my world apart and I don't know how. No matter how many times I replay our last day together, I cant seem to find anything to help me correct my wrongs that I can only assume I did…

Let me start from the beginning, my name is Beca Mitchell and I let the one person that gave me hope, go. I had her and I let her slip through my fingers. She's been gone 4 months and 27 days and she has yet to return my calls or texts. At the beginning I would also show up to her door and I would always end up escorted out. How could she shut me out so quickly? I must have done something for her to react this way right? We were together 5 years and 11 months and then she just up and left exactly one month before our 6 year anniversary.

 _I remember I walked into OUR home that day and set my keys on the table near the door. I set my bag down and went looking for her and called out her name several times…_

 ** _I skipped to the exact moment my heart stopped functioning…_**

 _"_ _Beca, Im leaving…"_

 _"_ _Chlo babe, I heard you the first time. Let me just get some of my stuff packed because this is sudden. Just tell me where WE are going…"_

 _"_ _No Beca. I, AM LEAVING… YOU…"_

 **Stop.** I tell my brain and I shut out the memory. **Don't do this again.** I cant let myself slip into that memory because I'll fall into that black hole that ate me from the inside out. My world crumbled before me on that day and after a month of drowning in those dreaded feelings, I was able to semi fake my way around. But it only lasted for a couple hours until I was consumed by those feelings once again. With the help of people who knew of the damaged she did, they sympathized with me and repeated to me over and over, how I did nothing wrong. One of them specifically being miss Aubrey Posen. She was Chloe's best friend but when she heard of her sudden departure she was at my side everyday since then. Of course she talked to her here and there, I mean they were best friends, but she always seem to take my side when anything came up about the situation. Maybe I should ask her what happened? I didn't expect her at all to pick my side but she did and that must mean something right? Maybe I didn't do anything wrong…

 **Shut up Mitchell, of course you did. That's why she's not here…** No. I am doing it again. I begin to work on my recent project to distract myself. I have decided to produce Stacie's recent album and it helps to put my mind on other things. Stacie's current album is all lovely dovey because of her relationship with Aubrey at the moment, so it is hard to hear the lyrics sometimes. Stacie suggested that I shouldn't do it, because of my emotional state, but Aubrey being who she is said that it was a great way to help me deal with my feelings. And just between you and me, I think I agree with Posen. I don't have hope for love anymore for me, but I do have hope for them. The way Stacie looks at Aubrey with complete adoration makes me smile. Stacie can control any situation when Aubrey seems frustrated and out of control. It's also the way Aubrey can tell what Stacie needs to hear in certain situations to prevent any panic attacks from forming that makes me feel happy for them. They complete each other in ways they couldn't do themselves. **God I have to stop letting Jesse into my head.** His movications have been helpful in a way, they help me deal with my current emotional state, but don't tell him I said that either. If it wasn't for him, I don't know what I'd do. Jesse has been nothing but supportive and for that, there are no words to say how much I care and love him. Jesse has been a great distraction but because the movies are always predictable, I cant just stop all the cute outcomes and see how my life really isn't a movie. **Because no, John Hughes did not direct my life…** Damn it Jesse, I did it again. Then my mind wanders and I start thinking maybe I should have let Jesse in, instead of Chloe… **Maybe he wouldn't have crushed me because of all the movies he is obsessed with…** Stop. Of course thats not what you wanted at the time, because Chloe consumed you and you were complete. She was your everything. **And if I am honest, if I knew what I know now back then, I'd probably let her in again.** Just to feel all that overwhelming happiness I used to feel. Just to feel good again. **But look at me now…** And I am reminded of all the shit she dumped on me…

Anyway, as we sit waiting for Aubrey, to arrive to listen to the draft of Stacie's album, Stacie and I begin talking about their relationship.

"God Beca, I just love her so much its hard to even be without her for a day you know?"

"Yea Stacie I know." I sit grinning because hey, it's just adorable the way Aubrey was able to contain the HUNTER. And still after all this time, they just have so much love. **That reminds me of Chloe and…**

"Yea but like I don't know what my life would be like without her…?" I clear my head of thoughts that have started. **Stop, you are listening to other people, it is time for it to not always be about you…**

"Yea I know that exact fear…" I look down because I am living that nightmare as we speak. Knowing the vibe I am putting off, Stacie realizes what she has brought up inside me.

"Oh god Beca, shit, I am so sorry I didn't mean to say stuff like that…"

"Stop Stacie I am fine. Hey, come on now. Look, I want to be here for these types of conversations like you were for me. I am a little more comfortable about this. Time keeps going and I cant always sit and dwell so don't stop." I reach over and grip her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. It's true, I hate that they still have to watch what they say around me. I hate that they still try and watch the way they act around me. I mean yea at first, I hated it, if I am being honest. I hated that they still had everything and I had nothing. But it wasn't fair, it wasn't their fault she fucking broke my heart…

"Yea ok Beca but please let me know when it becomes to much." Her voice rips me away from the anger that had begun to boil inside me.

"Yea ok I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise." I grip the pinky she is holding out with my pinky and give her a smile. "Anyway Stacie I know what you mean, believe me, and what you guys have is amazing and it makes me gag." I laugh, trying to ease back into the conversation. She gives me a small smile before she looks at the floor.

"Can I ask you something? And if its too much just say." It's just above a whisper so I know she it contemplating whether to ask.

"Go ahead Stacie, ask away."

"What is it like…" My eyebrows knit and I honestly have no idea what she talking about.

"What is what like?" I ask with confusion laced in my voice. She wont look at me and I am trying to figure out what has gotten into her.

"What was it like… I mean what is it STILL like to have lost her?" She finally looks me in the eye and I freeze. She fidgets because she has more to say and I want to hear it, so I nod so she can continue.

"I mean you loved her… God you loved her… Anyone with eyes can see that you would have done everything and anything for her. So what is it like… to have her… just leave?" She says bluntly. And I cant help but feel small because what she was saying was true. I loved Chloe Beale with everything I had and she just left like I was nothing. When I looked at her she took all my worries away and I felt whole. She completed me the way Stacie and Aubrey complete each other. She would make my worse situations 100 times better. But here we are ,where she is now the cause of my depression…

"Well… Stacie… Um…" I contemplate on how to express myself because how do you describe heart break? I take a deep breath and let it out before I continue. "The first couple of days it literally feels like nothing exists. Your brain it working but its filled with nothing but except on how it ended. And the scene keeps playing over and over like a bad re-run." I look up and see her anxiously waiting for me to either stop or continue. So I take another breath and I continue. "You are in a zombie like state and days seem to pass like years and it just feels like the Earth has stopped moving." I remember feeling like this and I have to push out the reoccurring memory, if I want to continue the story. "Then after that, it feels like you have had your heart cut out and stepped on. At least for me it did. I cried till I put myself to sleep or till the alcohol did. If I am being honest, alcohol helped me a lot at first." I stop to take another breath because Stacie knew about my alcohol problem but I never talked about it as a way of coping. "It numbed me from feeling that pain I felt that day and it let me be angry with her. When I was sober, I couldn't me angry with her because she was… she was Chloe… my Chloe. You couldn't be mad at Chloe, ever." My voice cracks because I start to see that pouty face that Chloe gave me when she broke something or did something wrong. I start to see those twinkling eyes that went with that face and I start to feel light headed. I shake my head and I look into my hands because Stacie knows that exact feeling. No one could ever be mad at Chloe, thats just the kind of person she was. "What alcohol did was it let me express my anger without feeling guilty about being angry with her. It let me hate her. When my drinking stopped, you know when Aubrey took matters into her own hands…" A small smile appeared on my face when I looked at Stacie because she knew how Aubrey saved me from myself. "When I stopped, Aubrey got me to let my feelings out when I was sober. She made me feel them and god how I hated it. I hated how she made me feel them. How I hated all the pain, all the time, and all the anger that would come and go with no relief you know?" Stacie nodded her head but kept quite. "After that month of agony, I hated her all the time. I heard her name and instant wrath consumed me. But after that emotion came another emotion of pure helplessness. I say helplessness because I still tried reaching out to her with me no positive outcome. I called and texted and I went to the place where she was staying and I felt helpless. I couldn't control the situation I was in so I couldn't avoid any negative outcome. I was disappointed when she didn't come back. So anger took over or sadness, it depended. But it didn't stop and I was waiting for her to finally answer the 54 texts I sent her or for her to return the 74 calls I made and reply to the over dozen voicemails I left." All the voicemails that I left her start to replay in my head and it all sounds real and I have to shut my opens eyes and put my hands over my ears to prevent me from hearing them again.

 _"_ _Chloe… Babe… Please stop this… Answer me and just come back so me can talk. Tell me what happened or what I did wrong. Baby please… Chlo, please…"_

I feel a pair of hands over my ears and I snap out of the memory that I have entered once again.

"Beca stop. We can stop. I am sorry. I didn't… Sorry just come here." And its then I realize that I had been slowly letting tears fall. Stacie has pulled me into a hug and I feel another body against me.

"Beca I am so sorry she did this." I realize Aubrey has heard and she is sobbing into my back. This sends me into sobbing uncontrollably because it's the first time I say it all out loud and I can honestly say it feels good to let Stacie and Aubrey in. It feels good to let my walls down instead of holding up the crumbling walls. We sit and hold each other for several minutes.

"Its fine guys." I say finally pulling away, wiping the tears and I know that this will help if I just talk about it slowly. "You were right Posen, letting me talk about it makes a wave of relief fall over my body for a bit, but I think thats all I can do today…" I look down embarrassed because I let them see how fragile I was.

"Beca. You did so good and you will survive. Sometimes you gotta break it down to build yourself back up again." Aubrey said with a genuine smile. Stacie nodded, wiping her own tears away.

"Thanks guys." She was right. With their help I could go back to Beca 'Effing Mitchell, but with baby steps at a time.

Another couple of months past, officially 8 months since Chloe left… **Not like I am still counting or anything…** But I was. Of course I was, but I had gotten much better. Small things to work on but for the most part I was rebuilding myself and it felt great. Mainly because Chloe's career was thrown in my face all the time but I was able to tolerate her name and images of her.

The only thing that was left was her voice… And that was going to be one hell of a test…

"Beca are you almost ready? That party is being DJ-ed by you and it wont look well if you show up late." Aubrey said pounding on the door. I took a breath and replied playfully.

"Well Posen the party cant start without the DJ so technically I can do what I damn well please." Adding the finishing touches, I was finally ready.

"God Beca why are you being so damn sassy." Aubrey said chuckling.

"Because would you have it any other way?" I said smiling stepping out of my room. I was sporting my hair down in curls and a leather jacket with a red and black plaid shirt underneath. Finished it with a pair of black skinny jeans and some black heels. It was something comfortable but somewhat suitable for performing tonight.

"Nope. Actually I wouldn't, but lets go Stacie is getting impatient and she'll end up undressing herself and well…"

"Ok stop. Enough." I said putting my hands up walking down the steps.

"Well… after she completely naked she will start to throw herself on me…"

"I said no more Posen." I put my fingers in my ears to prevent me from hearing anything else, now walking fast…

"And will we know the HUNTER has quite an appetite…" Aubrey said smirking.

"EW EW! No! LA LA LA LA LA!" I say because thats just gross thinking about my two best friends fooling around.

Aubrey is now laughing and Stacie has turned the corner with amusement in her eyes. I stop dead in my tracks as she blocks my way.

"Whats wrong Beca?" Stacie says seductively slowly walking towards me. "Don't you know the Hunter is ready all day… everyday." She raised an eyebrow with a devilish smile and her hand is in my collar…

"AHHHHH! I am going to the car!" I said grabbing my bag and keys and run to the car while they double over in laughter at my embarrassment.

When Chloe left, Aubrey and Stacie had me move into their home because I couldn't stand being in the house. **Our House…** Nope. I shoved that thought away and turned my mind to other things. I was getting better at shutting those memories up for longer periods of time. Time, time was what I needed and support. **Who knew Mitchell would finally let her guard down completely…** I smirked because it felt better this way and I haven't felt this way in a long time.

It was the first time since Chloe left that I attended/hosted an event. I was asked to DJ an after party. I was excited until I heard who potentially could be attending. Considering it was a movie awards after party, I shouldn't have been surprised to who was going to be there, there was a high chance that Chloe Beale would be in attendance. I was about to decline the offer but Aubrey said that it would come down to this eventually and I could always avoid her. And it is true but I knew what Chloe could still do to me. I wasn't completely healed yet and if she even looked my way I could go weak in the knees. Aubrey and Stacie insisted I go and said at least one of them would always be with me and they would bring Jesse too for more coverage. I mulled over the situation and said yes because I had to start somewhere. If I declined, the media would go into another frenzy about how I didn't attend because of Chloe blah blah… Which was true but I wasn't going to let them win this time.

The media went into shock when they found out we weren't together anymore. Not that I think that highly of myself, but all the headlines literally said, 'Is Americas sweethearts calling it quits…' They only could assume what happened and a lot of it had negative assumptions about me. It was mainly about me because who could even think that Chloe could hurt someone. She wouldn't even hurt a fly. **If only they knew…** It became unbearable and Aubrey always switched it to something else instead of hearing what I could have done wrong. I got better at it and got better at ignoring those stupid people. But when new stuff surfaced I couldn't take it, it was when I heard several entertainment news talk about a new boy toy Chloe was with. That really crushed me. The fact it being a boy didn't bother me, we played for both teams, but rather that she could have already moved on is what got to me the most. I always switched it off because I didn't want to go back to my black hole… The one I was finally getting out of…

"OK Beca you ready? We are here…" Aubrey said nervously. I was taken from my thoughts and I looked at Aubrey and then at Stacie. Smiling I replied with hope.

"Lets have some fucking fun. Ready?" Both having grins spread on their face, I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. Instantly I was blinded by the flashes and went deaf from the noise. I started breathing heavy and knew I was gonna have a panic attack any minute…

"We got you Beca. Lets show them that she cant control you anymore." Stacie said to me and instantly my panic subsided and I smiled because they were gonna be there for me and it made my heart clench. With one on each side we walked the small walk to the entrance of the club. We walked in and Jesse saw us and walked up to us instantly.

"BECAW!" Jesse said flapping his arms. Smirking, I rolled my eyes.

"Whats up weirdo?!" Shoving him playfully as he enveloped me into a hug. Hugging Jesse made me feel a lot better.

"Its great to see you." He said with a genuine smile as we pulled out of the hug.

"It is great seeing you too." I smiled and I knew what he meant. It was great seeing me finally out of that funk. And god did it feel great.

"You ready to show them what DJ Mitchell is all about?!" He said and he jumped up and down like a little kid on Christmas.

"Yea lets do it!"

We headed towards the bar to get a drink. I did stay away from the alcohol but this was a night to celebrate and one drink wouldn't hurt. Besides it could help with the nerves. As we left the bar, I checked my phone to see how much time I had till it was my turn for the ending set.

"An hour huh?" Stacie said smirking. "Well DJ, get your ass on the dance floor, now!" Then they all started to drag me away as I Ioudly voiced my disapproval. I started self conscious but I got into the groove and let myself go. **Last time I felt like this I was with Chloe…** My brain started until I felt a pair of hands. I stopped and turned around to see Jesse trying to dance close with me.

"Beca, it's so good to see you be yourself again!" He yelled over the music and I laughed and looked over to see Aubrey and Stacie who were smirking as I turned around to let Jesse dance with me.

"Thanks Jesse! It feels good to finally let loose!" I yelled over the music. I looked at my phone again and saw I had 30 minutes left before I had to start and set up.

"You REALLY do look good Beca…" His flirtatious grin caught me off guard but I brushed it off as we danced.

Time came and I excused my myself from the group and I made my way up to the booth. Quickly and nervously I set up my equipment and faded the music out.

"HEY EVERYBODY! Its DJ Mitchell and its time for my take over!" Everyone screamed and everyone started chanting my name. "Hey guys, so listen…" I start to say to get the crowd quiet. "Before I get started, I just want to dedicate this performance to a couple of people, 3 in specific. Stacie, Jesse and especially Aubrey, you guys have been the push to drag me out of my black hole and if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be performing tonight so lets give them a round of applause!" I searched and found the group and waved as the applause died down. "Whose ready to dance the fucking night away?! Lets do this!" And I slide into my first song and let the music and adrenaline take over. 2 hours later, I cued a list of songs so I can go back and hang with my friends.

"What a beautiful set Beca!" Stacie screamed as I walked toward them. She pulled me into a hug and Aubrey lingered a bit longer in her hug as she whispered in my ear.

"Beca you played a Titanium mix…" I pull back and nodded.

"I did it because I cant let it taunt and control me Aubrey. I had to play it to show that she doesn't affect me because her mixes always had Titanium in them and they were never played for anyone but her. I have to slowly let her go." Aubrey looked at me and smiled giving my arm a squeeze.

"OK good." Thats when I felt Jesse pick me up and spin me around.

"Get off nerd!" I say squirming and laughing.

"You did great Becs. Wanna go outside and get some air?" I look at him and nodded. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the Patio. On the way people stopped and greeted me and expressed how great my set was. It felt nice to have all the positive attention on me but the real me was blushing like an idiot. It took a while to get there, but Jesse and I finally got to the Patio. We fell into conversation about the night and talking about our crazy work lives. Jesse somewhat knew what happened with Chloe, considering, how I vaguely talked about it. But I couldn't find it forever but he never asked and stayed away from that topic. The one thing he did know for sure was the Chloe did a number on me and I was a mess. I knew he always had a crush on me but always was respectful of my space.

I was slowly letting this flirting get the best of me when it was then I felt eyes on me and I would turn around frantically to see who it was but I found no one staring. It kept happening and I was starting to get worried. Jesse must have noticed because he had a concerned look on his face.

"Whats wrong Beca?" He asked trying to see what I was looking for.

"Nothing. I don't know. I feel like weird and…"

"No fucking way…" He interrupted and his eyes went wide.

"Jesse what? Whats happened?" Starting to panic. I grabbed his hand and then I heard it before I saw what he was looking at. I froze, my eyes went wide and I saw him look at me with panic all over his face. My blood went cold and I felt like I was gonna pass out.

"Uh-… Hey Beca… Hello Jesse…"

It was Chloe fucking Beale. And boy did she have a lot of nerve…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey Everyone! I can't believe I have gotten that many follows and favs! And I love all the comments and suggestions! (Though two of you are on the right track about where I want this story to go!) Also the Jeca pairing will be explained. Also I am not sure how I feel about introducing BeKommissar only because I had others in mind about in the plot line. Hopefully this chapter eases the hate for Chloe cause I hate writing Chloe as a bad person. Thanks and lets get to the show... P.S.: The Italicized parts are memories, the bold are inner thoughts and the bold italicized are inner thoughts in the past. This is just to clear up any confusion.**

 **:)**

Today is the day. I am going to see her and I have no idea what the hell I am going to do. Maybe this is a bad idea, I mean what am I really expecting… **Of course it is a bad idea Chloe, what the weirdest time to approach her and in public?!** I shake my hands and my whole body trying to get rid of the nerves. Beca Mitchell hates me and I cant blame her. Did I really expect her to just get over it? Maybe but I had my reasons, reasons that I didn't give her because I was too terrified. **She deserves better than me, I mean look at what I have done.** I look in the mirror and I cant see me. I mean, I am there, but I can see right through me. Theres nothing, no light or happiness behind my eyes, but I have gotten really good at faking it.

 _As I left our house, my stomach dropped. The water works that I had prevent from happening in front of Beca, were let loose. I throw my stuff in the car and took one last look into our house. And I see her… See my Beca wrapping herself with her arms and sobbing…_

Closing my eyes I shake the memory away. Still thinking about it now, I still get chills. I knew I did it… Everything I said broke her, and I will regret it for the rest of my life. Boy, did I get it from Aubrey the next day. Apparently Aubrey went looking for me at the house that Beca and I owned. **Duh stupid thats where you lived.** And when no one answered Aubrey let herself in with the key we had given her. I still remember how she rung me out over the phone when I finally answered. Who knows what she saw in the house but I knew it wasn't good.

 _"_ _Hello?"_

 _"_ _CHLOE WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!" I winced at her screaming._

 _"_ _Uh I am-well…"_

 _"_ _FUCKING ANSWER ME CHLOE."_

 _"_ _I am at the Marriot…" She hung up and I knew she was on her way and would go to the ends of the Earth to find me at this point._

It got much worse when I came face to face with Aubrey. When Aubrey was pissed she was scary. I knew that even though Beca and Aubrey weren't the best of friends, they still protected each other from any kind of pain.

 _I heard her screaming my name down the hall and I groaned. I wasn't ready to face her and she had gotten here a lot quicker than I thought she would. She was definitely on a mission._

 _"_ _Chloe Beale. You better get the fuck out right now…" I prepared myself and opened the door and poked my head out. Her back was too me but I saw the anger that was radiating off her. She snapped her head around and narrowed her eyes and approached me fast._

 _"_ _Get in." Is all she said and I walked into my room with her following me. She slammed the door and I turned around with my eyes fixed on the floor._

 _"_ _You better start explaining yourself." Was all she said. She didn't yell but the tone still frightened me. I started fidgeting and I couldn't stop myself this time. I started letting the tears fall. "Oh no Chloe, your crying wont stop me from anything. What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck did you do to Beca?" I look up and Aubrey looked like she was going to combust._

 _"_ _I… Aubrey listen…" Is all I could manage when I started gasping for air. All the emotions that I held in when I was in front of Beca started pouring out._ ** _I fucking lost Beca…_**

 _"_ _Chloe stop right now. Why did you leave? Why did you say to her? Whatever you did… It broke her Chloe you do realize that…" She said as she approached me grabbing my arms._

 _"_ _She doesn't need me, she doesn't need a terrible person Aubrey and I have to save her from me even if it does mean that I lie to her. I said so many things but it has to be this way…"_

I wipe away the tears that fall. Even though it was long ago I still cant help but feel like shit. I hurt the one person that I cared about and she let me in even though I told her that I would never hurt her. **Fuck Chloe, was it worth it?** I ask myself because I still question everything. She has to find someone better was what I told myself everyday. She will find someone better, is what I said every time her text or her phone calls came in. I had to keep pushing her away to get her to go a different path. When she started coming to the places I stayed at, I couldn't face her. I couldn't face her because what do you say to someone you were supposed to protect? What do you say to someone that gave you everything and you just ripped it away? **I shouldn't have lied to her that day…** No I had to, I had to tell her those things to finally let her see that she needed someone better than me. I did the right thing that day… Right…?

I knew Aubrey would always be my friend but I was happy she didn't just say I was right because we were friends. I understood that she picked the side that was morally right. Beca needed someone because of my poor decisions. Aubrey and I occasionally talk and every time the topic of me asking about Beca came up she brushed it off with a simple, 'How do you think she is…' and that was it. She asked me on several occasions to just talk it out with her but I declined. I still wasn't ready for her to see me, I wasn't ready to let her see the broken Chloe. I was mentally broken and Beca knew but she never knew the extent of it. **She deserves to know now Chloe… You owe her that and much more…**

I am ripped away from my thoughts with the sound of someone knocking on my door. I take a deep breath and tell the person at the door to come in.

"Chloe babe, are you ready?" says Tom. See Tom, was the closest guy friend I ever had. He was there for big moments in my life. We had this on and off relationship and at the beginning he treated me like shit always telling me what was wrong with me, which led to our break up senior year at Barden. After that Beca was the sole purpose of my existence, until of course Tom rear his head in and lets just say he made me snap…

"Yea I am ready, let me just put my shoes on." I smile lightly. I noticed after Beca my smile never reached its furthest point. With Beca, my face would hurt from smiling and laughing so much. But now, I was happy just to be able to force one. When Aubrey first heard of me getting back together with Tom she almost lost it. But I never told her that he may or may not have been the reason for my spilt with Beca…

 _"_ _I am sorry Chloe I must have blacked out… You are back together with who…?" Aubrey said cupping her ear to here me correctly this time._

 _"_ _Aubrey please don't… Don't lecture me like a child…" I said giving up._

 _"_ _Dont lecture you? How could I not? I mean Chloe you are considering, actually considering dating that moron that made you feel like nothing, that made you feel like you were dirt. And yet you still ask me not to lecture you?! You went from someone who adored you, which you have yet to explain why you did, to an idiot who doesn't deserve for you too even look at him?" Aubrey said throwing her hands up. She didn't understand and I didn't want to explain it to her because I have yet to recover._ ** _Just try maybe she can help…_** _No I have to finish this without someone who thought everything was perfect but they had no idea…_

 _I heard the door to Aubrey's office open and a voice came with it._

 _"_ _Babe! Where are you?! Baaaabbbbbbeeeeee…" It was Stacie and I cringed on the inside. After the incident Stacie couldn't stand the mention of me, let alone the sight of me._

 _"_ _Stacie I am busy can you…" Thats when Stacie peered around the corner and stopped dead in her tracks…_

 _"_ _Oh I see you have yet to take out the trash…" Stacie said with pure disgust on her tongue. I immediately looked down. She had all the right in the world to treat me like this._

 _"_ _Stacie please don't…" Aubrey started before she was cut off._

 _"_ _Dont fucking start with me Aubrey. You saw what she did to Beca, you saw how she destroyed her…" Stacie then looked right at me…_

 _"_ _Look Chloe, I have tried my best to avoid you because frankly I really just want to punch you in the face for hurting Beca. But I wont hold my tongue anymore, especially since rumor is you are with that asshole Tom… Really you lead Beca on for what huh?!"_

 _"_ _Enough Stacie…" Aubrey said with a tone that wasn't convincing._

 _"_ _No! How fucking dare you Chloe… How dare you…" At this point I started crying because everything she is saying is true. Everything._

 _"_ _You don't deserve happiness Beale, you don't deserve Beca and you never will… Ever…" With that Stacie turned around and marched right out of Aubrey's office. I looked up to Aubrey and saw that she was torn. She knew everything Stacie said was true but I knew that she hated seeing me like this. I reached up to wipe away my tears…_

 _"_ _She's right Bree…" I slowly stood up and picked up my bag. "She's right. I know what I did and I know that I will never deserve her… I never did deserve her Bree. I never did…"_

I finished getting ready _._ Tom had gotten better with the emotional strain he had with us. He wasn't that bad of a guy and he was starting to get better at caring. **Nothing like Beca though.** But it was too late for that. Maybe Beca deciding to be at the after party meant something. Maybe it meant I would get a chance to explain all my fucked up decisions…

The ride to the award show was uneventful. Tom was talking about how his accounting firm was doing business with other financial institutions and how a big deal it was. **Blah blah blah…** I was on the edge of my seat. The anticipation was killing me. I knew Beca wouldn't show up to the actual show but I was panicking. The car pulled up and I stepped out with Tom tailing behind me.

"Chloe over here! Can you answer a couple questions?" I was directed to a television station by my manager.

"Yes of course, shoot." I answered with a brief smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel great." I laughed, a fake one obviously. "I am really crossing my fingers for my nominations.

"Yes we are for you too. I see that you are nominated for best supporting actress and your movie is nominated for best musical performance. How do you feel about that?"

"Well, I feel very lucky to have a great cast with me. We really worked off each others energy and it was just a great time." I smile waiting for the last question.

"Thats great and good luck to you and the cast. And before you leave, rumor has it the one and only Beca Mitchell will be participating in the after party, we all know of your sudden breakup care to express anything with us?" My throat went dry and my hands started to sweat. **Fuck I should have known this would be a topic up for grabs…**

"Well-uh…" I heisitated. What do I say to that. So I said the first thing that came you mind. "… Well I wish her the best of luck…" And with that I walked away… **That was just fucking stupid Chloe… You 'wish her the best of luck'? Im sure that wasn't the question you idiot…**

I continue down the line and anytime Beca came up, my manager just would steer me in a different direction. Of course everyone would ask something along those lines. I mean Beca and I were known for being open about the love we had for each other…

 _"_ _Hey Beca and Chloe thanks for letting me ask you a couple questions."_

 _"_ _Yea no problem shoot…" Beca answered._

 _Beca and I attened last years movie awards and we always came together and were interviewed together…_

 _"_ _Ok so everyone knows that you guys are dating, heck even my mom knows!" He chuckled and Beca and I let out a small giggle. "But anyway everyone has been wondering what it is like to date DJ Mitchell?" He looked right at me._

 _"_ _Well…" I was cut off by Beca._

 _"_ _Let me go first because what everyone should be asking is what it is like to date the one and only Chloe Beale." Beca stated matter of factly. "Ok so you know when you go into nature right, and you catch this breath taking view of the sunset and trees and all that good stuff and you just stare." Beca turns to look at me. "You just keep staring because you cant pull away. You are so captivated by the view that if you do turn away you will never feel like that again. You are mesmerized by the beauty that it feels like you are under a spell." I began to blush._ ** _God how I loved when she talked like this._** _"And thats just looking at her, when you are around Chloe it feels like warmth. It feels like you are never alone or cold, if that makes any sense." Beca lets out a chuckle. "Chloe is the definition of beauty and of love and you have no idea how lucky I am everyday to call Chloe mine. Chloe is the love of my life and I have no idea what I would become with out her, nor do I want to know…"_

God how I missed those times. **Guess everyone did get to see what it was like to not have Beca…** I am sadden by the memory and how everything came to pieces. **You did this Chloe you are the only one to blame.** I have to stop if I want to keep faking it. I feel sick and all I want to do is go home and lay down… In Beca's arms…

"Chloe, honey, are you ok?" Tom says pulling me out of the sick feeling. He looks concerned and then I think maybe this is what I deserve now…

"Yea I am fine, I think its just something I ate…"

"Ok well how about we go inside and take our seats." I nodded and let him lead the way.

As predicted I was on edge the whole time during the award show, I didn't get best supporting actress but our movie did get best musical performance which was cool. Don't get me wrong I was happy but considering I don't have the motivation I did before it was just a small victory. As we file out I feel my nerves spike and I start to doubt my decision to even go. **Just go home, Chloe. You don't deserve to explain yourself anymore.** I start to agree with my brain when Tom has informed me that we have arrived. **Fuck too late…**

I stepped out and see theres a commotion in front of me. I try to see what is going on but instead I only can hear it.

"Beca! DJ Mitchell! Over here, how are you feeling?!"

"Mitchell! Did you know Chloe was gonna be here? Is that what you have decided to show up?"

"Come on Mitchell, Chloe has moved on she deserves better than you!"

At that last statement, my blood boils, how dare they even say that to Beca. They don't know what happened but they sure like to make it seem like Beca is some bitch. Luckily she must not have heard because the group she is with have made there way into the party. Luckily we made in too without much attention.

Craning my neck to see her I finally catch a glimpse of Beca. She looks so carefree dancing and enjoying her time. I look around her and see her dancing with Aubrey and Stacie and then I see Beca stop and I see what she has caused her to stop. Jesse has gotten close to her and has a flirtatious grin on his face. **Beca wont like that, she never liked Jesse in…** **Did she just let him touch her?!** I gasp and see that she has let him get close. She has her hands wrapped around his head and I start to breath heavy. **She has never let anyone that close. Maybe she moved on fuck…** I turn around and start to consume myself in my own misery. **I need more drinks. Lets attempt to make it through this night shall we…**

Beca's set was just… it was fucking beautiful. Her music ran through my veins and I felt on a music high all night. They way the music just flowed from that booth… **God this woman…** **Wait is that Titanium…** I blink towards the booth and let the mix sink into my body. She cant be playing Titanium mixes , they were just for me… I mull over the mix and think that maybe it's a sign… but I sign of what?

I see her walk down from the booth and she is engulfed in hugs from Aubrey and Stacie. Then out of no where Jesse is picking her up and pulling her away from the group. I look around and see that Tom is in a conversation with one of my cast mates and decided to trail them. I follow them outside to the patio and Beca looks so peaceful, she's coming down from her mixing high and she is so beautiful. I take a deep breath and walk towards them, I am contemplating what to even say when I noticed that Jesse is looking right at me with panic in his eyes. **Here goes nothing…**

"Uh-… Hey Beca… Hello Jesse…" I see her tense up and it looks like she has a death grip on his hand. She starts shaking her head and Jesse steps in front of me.

"Chloe what are you doing?" He's in protective mode and it further defends my opinion about them.

"I uh-" **Think Chloe think…** "I wanted to see if I could talk to Beca…" **Fuck I guess straight to the point is ok.**

"No." Beca says from behind Jesse.

"What the fuck Chloe, what are you doing here?!" Stacie says from behind Beca. I see Aubrey approach her from behind. Panic is written all over her face and I start to panic…

"I just wanted to see if Beca…"

"Dont, just don't." Beca says. She has her eyes closed and Jesse wraps an arm around her. "8 months Chloe, four of which were spent trying to get you to acknowledge me and this is how you… I fucking cant…" Beca walks away eyes still closed and Jesse and Stacie quickly follow her. Aubrey stands there and shakes her head and walks away. She turns around and mouths that she will call later, and I am left there. Left in my sorrow. I feel tears start to pool in my eyes and I cant take it, I have to get out of here.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey Everyone! I am so sorry about such a late update! I was conflicted on how I wanted to approach this idea I had in my head. Hopefully you guys can bear with me and not hate me. So far I think I know what kind of outcome I want and hopefully I do this story justice. Also I was gonna respond to your reviews and feedback but I have yet to figure that out so theres that... As well I do not own PP but idea is mine and also if you guys want I updated my other story so check it... I read all the reviews and thanks so much for the follows and favs you guys are awesome! This being a first fic it makes me feel great!**

 **Now on with the show...**

 **Who the hell does she think she is?! She thinks she can waltz right up to me and say 'Hey Beca' like we are friends or something?** As I stormed off I noticed how sad her eyes were… God all I can see is her eyes and it hurts me that I just left. Maybe… **Nope, stop right now Mitchell. You feel bad that you walked away from her yet here she is showing up after she crushed your heart?! No, she deserves so much worse…** I am furious again because seriously what made her think she can just talk to me. She obviously thought this was some sort of game. **Come on you know she loved you but the question does remain why she just left.** Sadness sinks in and anger follows. **What did I do? I just fucking walked away and left her there. She thinks she has the upper hand. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.** I stop right in my tracks and sink to the floor. I managed to walk, or run, a couple of blocks from the club. I am covering my face with my hands because it was all overwhelming. **Why do I still have her affect me? Why can't I just stop loving her?**

"Beca! Wait up!" Jesse is calling from behind and I hear another pair of footsteps.

"Beca, just wait for us." It's Stacie and I hear what sounds like panic in her voice. They have gotten closer and I am just on the verge of tears, but I am able to contain myself. **Progress, yes this is progress.**

"Beca… Oh Beca." I hear Stacie near me, so she must have sank to the floor too. "Beca… Sweetie… Talk to me…"

"Stacie… Why can't I…" I choke on the last part because I feel the tears on the brink of being let loose. **Come on Beca, she doesn't control you… Remember, she isn't the one in control…** I take a couple of breaths to prevent the tears from falling. "Thanks for standing up for me Jesse." I finally remove my hands and see that Jesse has taken a position on the floor next to Stacie. I manage a small smile.

"Beca it's nothing. But come on talk to us." Jesse encourages and I see him extend his arm out to give my arm a squeeze.

"I… I-uh didn't think she would have the nerve really…"

"I know right!" Stacie says cutting me off. "Like she actually thought you would welcome her with open arms or start a conversation with the stupid bitch…" I wince because I still can't take someone talking about her like that… **Oh come one she deserve a lot more that stupid bitch…** Stacie didn't seem to notice.

"I know me too, I thought with my cover… It would-uh you know… make her back off." Jesse is scratching the back of his neck. I look at him and realize it all made sense. His flirtatious behavior all made sense, and I look down. "Beca look at me." I look at him, and I really don't know what I am expecting. Did I really want him to truly be flirting with me? **You know you don't… He is not her…** "Beca I know you know that I have a small crush on you. Some of my flirting was me really flirting but I started to flirt because I saw her right behind you guys when you guys walked in. She was looking right at you and the look she had, it was very strange. So I thought that if I was in your bubble all night, you know, that she would leave you alone…" Jesse looked down at his hands. I understand what he has done and I could not be any more grateful. A small part of me really wanted it all to be intentional, the flirting, it felt nice to be wanted… But another part of me was grateful he had another reason to do it because Jesse, although he is good looking and has a great sense of humor, was never gonna be someone for me. I see him more of a brother and that's something that will probably never change.

"No Jesse listen." I reach out and grab his hand and he looks right at me. "Thank you. I will admit it felt nice to be wanted like that. And I know about your crush and all but I don't want you like that and it would not be fair to you." I squeeze his and give him a pleading look.

"Yea I know Becs. I know and I just want to help and be a friend and that's all ok?" He smiles back and it seems to smooth over and I look at Stacie and realize I have some pretty amazing friends.

"Other than that Beca, are you alright?" Stacie redirects my attention to the problem at hand.

"Uh-well I am not sure. I have tons of emotions running through my body and all I want to do is sleep." I say standing up. "I'll be fine, we can talk tomorrow but right now I am just exhausted." As I finish my sentence my phone begins to ring and I pull it out to see that it is Aubrey. "Ok its Aubrey guys. She is probably looking for us hold on." I answer and I begin to tell her where we are at.

"Hey Jesse…" Stacie says to Jesse while Beca's back is to them.

"What?" Jesse replies because he can see the curious look on Stacies face.

"Did you catch Chloe looking at you guys anytime during the whole night?"

"Yea I did actually. You know when we were dancing? Well she was watching her like a hawk and then that's when I decide to slip in and dance really close you know, and in a side glance I took her way, I saw this death look in her eyes and knew she was seething dude. It almost made me back off. It was incredible." Jesse explained.

"Oh I know that look, it is jealous Chloe…" Stacie began because she witnessed jealous Chloe on several occasions. It was a great memory which made her confused. She continued her train of thought. "…Which means Chloe still has feelings, which makes this situation more confusing." Stacie said puzzled.

"Yea and don't get me started on the looks Beca was receiving will in the booth… I mean Chloe basically was seeping sexual tension…" Jesse said blushing a little. This made Stacie smile a little, she knew just how much it turned on Chloe to see Beca in her element. It practically would undo her in seconds.

"You know Jesse…" Stacie started and she looked to see if Beca was on the phone still. She heard her explaining to Aubrey where they were at so she only had a couple minutes left. "… you know this jealous tactic could make Chloe snap." Stacie said smirking.

"You mean do it just to make Chloe jealous? You do realize that all the media already thinks Beca is the bad guy…"

"Yes I realized that, but Chloe obviously knows the truth and it's not like Beca or any of us care what the media says really. This could lead to some break through maybe." Stacie said and she noticed Beca was wrapping up the conversation. "We will talk more later."

"You do realize Beca needs to know about this…"

"I should know what?" Beca said cutting Stacie and Jesse off from their private conversation.

"That uh-…" Stacie started and she said the first thing that came to her mind. "That uh-Jesse has this weird rash and I told him to get answers off google and he said that I should look but thats weird. He wanted to tell you but I said no but I just told you so-uh there goes that." Stacie said eyeing down Jesse to play along.

"Uh-yea but I think I am allergic to a body wash and it's embarrassing so forget it." Jesse said giving Stacie a very pointed look.

"Gross." Beca said strutting up her face. "Thank God Aubrey is here lets go." And with that the night was thankfully coming to a close.

Waking up the next morning I felt terrible. I didn't have a hangover but all the emotion from last night just has weighed down on me. But I am pretty proud of myself actually. I managed to somewhat contain myself and for that I know I must be making progress. I think back to last night and realize if Jesse flirtatious antics weren't enough to prevent Chloe from approaching me then this must mean something right… **Beca we have gone through this. Don't let your guard down this time.** I hear someone tapping on my door and tell them to come in

"Hey I brought you some breakfast." Aubrey says holding a tray. I nod for her to sit on the bed and I sit up and make room. She sets the tray in my lap and sits across from me. "Beca, how are you feeling?" Aubrey asks cautiously. And I slowly sip the coffee she has brought in.

"You know, just dealing." I say because how else can I say it without sounding whiney.

"Beca I know its hard and it's ok…"

"Aubrey listen, stop tiptoeing, I am not Beca from 8 months ago. I am not fragile Beca. You know better than anyone that I just need to be pushed. It's ok. Ask me straight forward." I breath out because it true. Aubrey is waiting for the moment that I start bawling my eyes out or that I am shocked into fear. But I can't let it affect me, I have to face it full on.

"OK. Beca what are thinking about Chloe?" Aubrey says straight out. She knows that my mind is just filled to the brim with all things Chloe, it's just now I am better at thinking internally than letting the emotion come out.

"Honestly Aubrey… It feels like salt rubbing into my cut. A cut that hasn't been let to heal yet. I know eventually, there will be this possibility of talking it out with her, but if I am being honest I want to avoid it. I just can't. I cant because just the look she gave me before I stormed off… it broke my fucking heart Aubrey. Seeing her sad, seeing her broken was the first glimpse I have had into what she is like since she left me. But I can't do that Aubrey, I can't let her think that I have some type of fall for her. I can't let her think that she still 'owns me'." I stop because I was able to formulate everything that I felt into one coherent thought. I look at Aubrey to see that she is tearing up, and I continue because I know that is what she is waiting for. "You know for the past couple of months I thought about what it would be like to see her. To see those welcoming eyes, to see the loving Chloe I knew before everything and what I saw was not my Chloe. She's not the woman before this. She's changed…" I look down at my hands because it was true. The look I saw almost broke me. "I have to not let her affect because if she destroyed me before imagine what she can do now." I stop because that's all I got because I start crying.

"Beca you should know something." Aubrey says scooting closer reaching for my hand. I look up at her and she looks at me. "You should know that Chloe asks about you everyday. Every time I call or speak with her she always asks about you. Beca she never stopped loving you she just…"

"Stop. Don't you dare do this Aubrey." I look past her and see Stacie in the door frame. " Don't you dare make Chloe the victim."

"I am not Stacie. Beca deserves to know all that I know. All that I told you, she has to hear to help her heal Stacie." Aubrey said turning around to stand up to Stacie.

"No I wont let you defend her and…"

"Stop! I am not some kid. I want to know Stacie. I need to know everything I can't…"

"Beca you need to understand that you can't always suck it up and play like you are not hurt. Not everything on this planet is about her. This is about you and how you can finally pull through this." Stacie said not backing down and going further into the room.

"Will you stop? Stacie, Beca needs to know, she has to know."

"Aubrey you stop, Chloe doesn't get to just suddenly appear and sugar coat why she left."

"Both of you stop." I said getting up from the bed. This is the last thing I wanted. My problem was becoming a divide become Aubrey and Stacie and that was not fair. They had good intentions but this wasn't a problem of theirs to solve. "Enough. Listen I know both your sides. Stacie I know what you mean believe me I get it. I want to hate her I really do. You have no idea what you standing up for me does. It makes me feel like I have a badass back up." I smile. "And Aubrey I know that she is your friend and you keep in contact with her. I don't even want you to stop. I don't want you to choose between me and her. I want you both to live the way you normally would. I don't want my problems to start fights between you. Now with that said, I have to start my own healing. I don't think it will involve talking to her anytime soon who knows, because I am still overwhelmed about last night. But I need to start putting this puzzle together. Ok?" I ask both because the last thing I need is for my one and only support be crushed by my problems.

"Ok I am sorry. I still have this need to protect you because to see you like that…" Stacie started saying as tears started to form in her eyes. "… to see you so hurt, it was hard Beca and I don't want you to go through that again." Stacie said reaching out for my arm and grabbing Aubrey's hand with the other.

"We are here for you Beca and I come with good intentions and I know Stacie does too. And I think you are strong enough to know what is happening." Aubrey said as she put her free hand on my free arm. "I am not defending her but I do believe that she needs to give you something, she owes you that and much more." Aubrey said looking into Stacie's eyes. Stacie nods and looks at me with a smile.

"Ok if it is too much I will let you know. But I need to be Badass Mitchell again guys, so we have to start patching up the armor." I said flexing my arms trying to lighten the mood.

"Ok alright don't hurt yourself, the last thing I need is to take your ass to the hospital." Stacie said teasingly. Aubrey giggled and they both took spots on the bed.

Never would I have thought that this moment would be my favorite moments recently. To see Stacie cuddled up against Aubrey and all the care in their world slowly fade. They were lost in each other and it was amazing to see that they were able to share all this love when only moments ago they were in a heated battle. I came to admire their relationship. All the truth and love that radiated off them made me feel at ease, like nothing could hurt me. Which made me think back to what Aubrey was trying to tell me. **What doe she need to say in-regards to Chloe? Maybe this could lead to more heart ache. Should I even bother? I mean what if this is my true undoing? No, I have to face the dark.**

"So Aubrey, uh-you can continue about before…" I say trying to sound reassured that I wanted to do this. I see them both stiffen and it can't be all bad right. I knew Aubrey and she wouldn't keep something huge a secret.

"Ok listen Beca, it's nothing to dramatic but it's something I think you have the right to know because it's time to figure out this puzzle without doing more damage. When I found you in your house after, you know Chloe left, I called her till she finally answered. You have to understand that I have been on your side and I am so grateful that you understand that she is on of my best friends. But…" Aubrey hesitated. "… but the minute she got up and left you, the minute she ripped you in half, I was so furious with her. I tracked her down, knowing she couldn't possibly stay away from me. I was so mad at her for hurting you." Aubrey looked at me tear-eyed again. "I hated her for the whole car ride there and then some. When I found her at the hotel and I looked at her in the eyes… I saw what you saw last night Beca. I didn't see our Chloe. I didn't see that cheerful bubbly girl and my anger went down a few notches but not all the way. Beca, I know we had a rough start in our friendship but what we have…" Aubrey reached out grabbing my hands while Stacie rubbed her arms comforting her. "… what we have Beca… you are my family now, just like Chloe is, and pain will come to whoever hurts my family, even if the person that hurt you is family too." I squeezed her hands because I couldn't speak. My throat went dry and I was filled with some much love. This was my family and it was overwhelming to see it. "Anyway that day at the hotel she said that she couldn't drag you with her. She couldn't let you love her because you deserve more. And I tried Beca, I tried to get her to explain why she did what she did, and she wouldn't all her message was that she had to fix herself and you had to let someone who deserved you in. Then after a month, she started asking about you everyday." Aubrey said curiously, probably thinking maybe I could decipher the message. I couldn't, I had no idea what she was saying. **Why would Chloe say I didn't deserve her? I could swear it was the other way around. I didn't deserve her, she was too good for me. Also why would she keep asking for me, none of this is making sense.** "I told Stacie and we had agreed that maybe it was too soon to tell you this because it could mess with your head, not that it wouldn't now, but at least now you are thinking clearly." Stacie nodded.

"What Chloe did Beca, I doubt I could even forgive her. You know, Aubrey knows, that any chance I came across her I was in defense mode. One wrong move or poor choice in words I would have hit her…" Stacie said. "But, since we are sharing…" Stacie took a side glance at Aubrey and continued. "Last night Jesse made a very interesting choice."

"Did he?" Aubrey said lifting an eyebrow.

"Yes, he told Beca last night that he caught Chloe watching her, us." Stacie said point to everyone. "And he did his little flirting tactic to prevent her approaching Beca. The way he described the look he got when he danced close to Beca, is the same exact look we witnessed, on several occasion might I add, when Chloe was jealous…" Stacie said as if Aubrey could figure out what she was thinking. Aubrey had a confused look on her face and so did I. **What does this have to do with anything…**

"So…" Aubrey said because she had no idea where Stacie was going with this.

"Ugh-ok, this could be it. If jealous Chloe still exists, we can continue this until… I don't know she snaps." Stacie said biting her lip.

"And why do we want her to snap exactly?" I asked because Stacie had prevented any action thus far from Chloe.

"Well after last night, it's curious you know? Its curious that Chloe would act that way after all this. This morning I woke up and completely pushed out this idea because I thought she didn't deserve to explain herself anymore. But after what Aubrey just said, I think closure is what you might need and her snapping could be it…"

"I dont know, do you really think I want to face her? I mean we can talk about it but actually facing her will be hard and-uh I don't know guys I cant do it…" I said. Because it was true, after 8 months and this is how I first see her and it was because of jealously instead of actual emotion to explain why she did what she did. Maybe it would push her to explain to Aubrey or something… **Wait maybe this could work if we can push her that she may tell Aubrey, this could be a good thing…**

"What are you thinking Mitchell?" Aubrey said eyeing me. "I can practically hear that brain of your's overheating…" Aubrey said smiling and that causes me to smile. **Being 'normal' felt good. Being able to switch emotions to fit the conversation was becoming easier.**

"Well maybe we could and it could make her tell you…" I pointed to Aubrey. "I hate to put you in the middle Aubrey but I don't think she will tell Jesse or Stacie and I don't want her near me…"

"Well I think you deserve this and much more of an explanation at least…" Aubrey said shrugging her shoulders.

"Wait hold on…" I said putting my hands up. "I don't want to use Jesse like that. I don't want to pull this on him and have it turn out bad for him. Of course he would know but emotions are emotions and its hard to keep them in check." I said because I couldn't hurt Jesse that way.

"Yea well as I was thinking about this last night I had an option…" Stacie said glancing between me and Aubrey.

"Yea? Who?" I asked getting anxious. Stacie now looked right at Aubrey and spoke.

"Remember my senior year you told me that Chloe would tell you how jealous she would get when, you know who was, always all over Beca?" Aubrey's eyes widen and I was panicking.

"What?! There was someone all over me?!" I said trying to get their attention.

"Oh no! Do you think she would even want too?" Aubrey replied really contemplating whoever this person was. **There was a 'she' all over me?!**

"Well maybe I mean when we were at the riff-off you remember how mad she was on the phone when Beca had her back?"

"Guys you gotta tell me what you are talking about."

"I mean Emily is in town…"

"Emily?…" I said trying to think of who that was. **Emily? Emily? Do I even know of…**

"Wait you mean Legacy?!" I screamed.

"Yes exactly." The both said and I knew that this was gonna be on hell of a ride. There is no way I am doing that with Emily. **What was Emily even doing here anyway? More importantly, when was Emily all over me?!**

"Ok hold on guys I think you have gotten ahead of yourself. Last I heard Emily had a thing with Benji and she was straight." I said with panic laced in my voice.

"Jesus Beca you were oblivious with Chloe and with Emily." Stacie said. "That thing with Benji was just a simple thing and believe or not Beca you are a hot person magnet. Hell even I wanted to break off a piece…"

"Stacie, please control the hunter!" Aubrey said getting flustered. Stacie snapped out of it and winked smirking.

"God Stacie you freak me out." Beca said grasping her heart.

"Now that Stacie has had some sense in her, I think Emily could really add some value to the situation. Beca obviously we would explain this too her but she could really make some break through. I mean Chloe does love Emily but she absolutely hated it when you did anything with her." Aubrey said. It was true I could see why she would hate it, I mean Emily was a brunette version of Chloe but toned down. Emily was able to help the situation and I felt comfortable with her. **Who even knows if she would still be into me or this plan.**

"Wait, how do you guys even known she would be down and also that she still has a thing for me?"

"Oh trust me Beca, she totally does. Matter of fact let me call her." Stacie said smirking and pulling out her phone as she walked away. I gap because Stacie can be so… just so Stacie.

"God Beca stop gawking at my girlfriend please…" Aubrey said nudging me.

"Whoa wait-uh I didn't mean to…" I started stammering out.

"Yea I know, it's just so fun to tease you. But seriously how do you feel about this?"

"I don't know Aubrey, I do want to see what happens but at the same time I hate playing this game you know. No matter what she has done and everything, I don't want to play this game she started." I confess because I was torn between right and wrong.

"Yea I know but I really feel like this could be the only thing that can make her snap. I tried for months trying to get her to talk but she won't. I think this will push her to finally so it. I think when we talk to Emily and you feel it out we can see what we are up against ok?" Aubrey said giving me a reassuring smile.

"Yea ok." I said because it's not like I had a better plan.

"Ok she said she is almost here, she's just finding a parking spot." Stacie said looking up from her phone. We had planned to meet Emily at a nearby restaurant where I was able to get us a secluded room. I was on the edge, I mean seeing this girl who apparently had been crushing on me was just the beginning. **Can you do this and make it believable if Emily does agree? I mean who knows if we can even pull this off because of how awkward I remember Emily being and don't even get started with me…** I stop thinking because I see Emily walk in. I know its her because of her eyes, but if it wasn't for that I would have never know. She had defiantly matured and lets just say college did Emily some good…

"Hey guys!" Emily said now giving each one of us a hug. **Yup it's still the same old Nerd.** I thought and she engulfed me in a hug. **God she smiles good… Stop it Beca, can you keep it in your pants for a second.** I shake my head as I slide in the booth with Stacie sitting next to me. Across the table Aubrey has let Emily slid in and she sits across from Stacie. And I start to fidget because the waiting is killing me.

"OK so before Beca start profusely sweating…" Aubrey teases and all I can do is glare and I catch Emily smiling at me and I smile back. "… I am sure Emily, that Stacie has somewhat laid out why we have somewhat assembled today." Aubrey said and she turned towards Emily. Emily nods and beams back at me.

"Oh she did. But I was hoping I could talk to Beca about it… You know… Alone." As she speaks my eyes widened a little but I am able to contain myself. **Relax Mitchell… You are a badass… Thats it, this is cake.** I realize Aubrey and Stacie have noticed my panic because they are smirking my way.

"Uh-yea, thats dope." I said and I fucking blank. **'That's dope'? What the actual fuck Beca! Are you kidding?**

"Ok well this is just DOPE." Stacie said on the verge of laughing and I glare.

"Yea so dope that we will leave you too it." Aubrey said tease me and I could just burst into flames from all the embarrassment. They get up and leave and I cant bring myself to look at Emily. **Why is this so hard Beca?! Just fucking look at her!**

"So…" Emily says. And I finally look at her and see how nervous she is.

"So… Um-what exactly do you think… Or um what would you need to talk about?" I ask because after all this plan is asking for her help and I have to lead it in a way that makes it seem like I have some idea about what I am doing, but I dont.

"Well Beca I just… You have to know that I have had this kind of obsession with you, which also led me to wanting to fully join the Bellas." She said kinda fast and I realize how nervous she really is. For some reason my natural instinct was too reach over and grab her hand. She looks up and I can feel her relax.

"Yea I apparently was oblivious to it." I said smirking and she chuckles and nods.

"Oh yea you were. I also know that a reason I am here is because of Chloe." At that I swallow. **Control yourself, you can do this.** "And Chloe really did a number on you from what I heard. Stacie and Aubrey didn't say much and I realize that it's up to you whether I know or not." I look at her and I can hear the sincerity in her voice. **This feels so familiar and I can't say that it's not welcomed…**

"Look Emily I know why we are here and if it makes you uncomfortable I totally get it… It's just I don't know how to do this and well if I am being honest I just want my mind occupied with other things you know…"At the Emily looks me right tin the eye. **As if she is looking into my soul…**

"Let's walk Beca, come on. Fresh Air you know." She stands up and extends her hand and I look at it for a split second. **Do I want to do this… Fuck it lets do it.** I grab her hand and follow her out. As we walk out, I see Stacie and Aubrey looking our way smiling and I smirk back. We walk a couple blocks until we reach a tiny playground where we stop and sit by a tree. We talk about how our lives have changed and I tiptoe around Chloe filled memories and surprisingly its easier to push Chloe out as I talk with Emily. Emily has grown in so many ways that its hard to believe she was that awkward freshmen from 5 years ago. We are enjoying our time when a rare comfortable silence falls over us. She has gotten closer with the flow of conversation and it doesn't bother me. The thought of paparazzi far from my mind. And I can feel her looking at me and I turn my head and I am met with a big beautifully set of brown eyes and I smile at her.

"You know Beca, when you guys graduated, I thought I would have been able to get over my crush on you. When I was with Benji my fangirling over you had ceased and too see you and Chloe finally end up together was a dream all the girls wanted to come true. I was truly happy for you guys. Sometime over the course of my sophomore year I started to feel like a friend to Benji rather than a girlfriend and we talked and decided that we should stay that way." I look at her and see that even though she is truly sad about it, she is also has relief to the situation. "Anyway after that, I sometimes would think about you and how you were living. You called every so often and you sounded so happy Beca." She looks at me and I can't help that my face falls slightly. "So when I heard about what happened I didn't believe it. I tried calling and when Aubrey answered she said that you were not fit to talk and I asked if what the media was saying was true and she hesitated and all she said was that Chloe was on a fine line. I realized then that something had definitely gone wrong." She has held her stare on me and I can feel her looking into my heart.

"Emily I-uh… You have to understand that my love for her was forever, so I am sorry. I should have explained to you…"

"Beca dont. You are apologizing for not letting me in? No I should apologize for not being there. Forget about the crush, you were someone who I looked up to and when you got hurt, it hurt me. The way Stacie talked about it, I knew that you were hurting and I am sorry I wasn't there as a friend." I reached over cupping her face and wipe her tears away. **This isn't supposed to be going this way.**

"Emily look you wouldn't have known and I was in no state to talk about it. So lets forget about the past, god knows I have been trying…" I give her a small smile cause I don't like it when Emily looks like this. She supposed to be happy and all.

" I don't want to talk about her and the past ok. If you don't mind I want to know what you are thinking about this situation we have on our hands?" I see her thinking and I push her hair behind her ears.

"Beca, I somewhat agreed to be here because you need help and I want to make it up to you and be a friend you know. But…" I see her hesitate and I know something is conflicting her. "… But when I saw you as I walked in my heart sank and I realize my crush was faint but it was still there. And I remember what it's like to be with you again, obviously you are still hurting but _Beca Effin' Mitchell_ is in here." She says poking my shoulder and it causes me to smile. **God it feels so good to have someone acknowledge the progress I have made.**

"You know Emily, this is the first time in a long time that I feel at ease, free almost." And I can see her blush. She has this way of getting lost her eyes. **Do I want this with Emily? Do I let this go further.** As if she can read my mind she asks me a question.

"If that's so Beca, what should we do? I mean obviously I have had this thing for you, like a crush. And even though from what Stacie explained you want to make Chloe jealous, but I can sense something different. Even if I am just a distraction, do you want to start whatever this is?" Emily asks and I am so thankfully how straight forward she is. **This would have been mush harder if she was tiptoeing around the problem at hand.** I sit and look up towards the sky. I have to come to terms with my life.

"Emily, I wont lie. This started just like Stacie explained." I see her nod and I turn to look at her. "But being here like this, has made me feel what I thought I could never be able to feel. I don't want to use you but if you have some patience and can give me some time well maybe this thing could go somewhere you know? I don't know what this is either and -uh well I think dating is what it is…" **There you go being awkward.** I hear her giggle. "…but either way we can see how this plays put and if you don't want to I totally get it and well I am sorry and if I wasted any of you time, I am…"

"God you still ramble." Emily said smiling and it happens in a flash but I am lost in it. Emily has pulled me into a kiss and I let myself go. I melt in this kiss and it feels nice to be just lost in Emily instead of Chloe flooding my mind. It feels nice to be free instead of sitting in this pit of despair. When we finally pull apart, I still have my eyes closed and I can feel her thumb running lightly over my bottom lip. I open them to see Emily has her eyes closed. I push some hair behind her ear and she opens them.

"That's what I imagined it would be kissing you… Oh god that's weird." Emily said blushing and I give her a nudge slightly laughing.

"Hey whatever you do in your free time is on you nerd." I laugh and stand up and extend my hand out to grab her's.

"Hey let's not be dicks about it." She says as she loops her arm through mine. I laugh and have a he smile on my face and have never felt better. I turn my head and she what someone has been watching us. **Fuck. I should have known better than to do this in public. Looks like here it begins.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey Everyone! Sorry for such a late update. Had major writers block, work and then I had to get out an idea I had for another fic, which you should check out as well. I have also updated Can It Be, it's a bit short though. Anyway, as always let me know what you are thinking so far and all that good stuff. As aways I do not own PP or anything else but the story is mine. Sorry had to re-upload, something weird happened to the first upload...**

 **Now on with the show...**

Out of all people… This is who Beca picks… This is who Beca decides on… **Emily is with Beca? This can't be right? I mean Emily knows what we have… I mean what we had.** I sit back in my chair and just stare at the screen. My heart has stopped and I can feel it in my stomach. **Emily… Oh Emily…** I furrow my eyebrows. It has come to my attention a couple of days ago that the media was in frenzy with Beca. It was then that this morning I decided to check it out. So naturally I had to look it up. When I opened the article, it was what I least expected. Beca was kissing another girl. The second picture was Beca standing up holding out her arm and the girl getting up. The last picture the girl had her arm looped through Beca's and I couldn't recognize her at first. But the more I stared… The more I looked, I saw those big brown eyes… That's when I realized it was Legacy. **Of all people I thought it could be, it was her…** I put my hands over my face and let out a breath. **I always knew she had a thing for Beca, I fucking knew it.** I lean back in and inspect the picture for the 100th time. **My Becs… She looks genuinely happy…** It's this very thought that causes me to slam shut my computer and I get up and stomp around. Tom has realized that I have become distant so he has decided to give me some time which I couldn't be more thankful for. He has become a very attentive boyfriend but after that night with Beca, I just push him away. He knows that she has this impact on me. **Of course he knows he so desperately tried to get me…** I hear my phone ringing in the other room and its Aubrey. I can tell from the ring tone.

"Hey Bree."

"Hey Chloe Bear, how are you?" Aubrey says and I hear her practically biting her lip on the other end.

"Oh god Aubrey… I am sure you know… Did you see…"

"Yea I know about that." She says and I should have known she knew. Beca is around them most of the time.

"Out of all people Bree, here comes Emily to save the day… Just like Beca did for her so many years ago…" I know at this point I am just being dramatic but I don't care.

"Chloe seriously?" I hear Aubrey's tone become stern. "Of all things, you are saying that to me? You know it's not like that at all." And she is right but hey sulking is what I am doing most days now anyway.

"Oh please Bree, you know my suspicions all senior year and her she shows up after Beca is single and after…" And I don't know what to say really. Because I caused this. **You left Beca remember…**

"After you left Beca." Aubrey finishes. And what am I supposed to say to that. "You do remember you left her right? You left her with nothing but a heartache. What did you expect Chloe? Beca to wait for you all night and day until you got your shit together?" I gasped because I realize I have hit a sensitive spot for Aubrey. **She's right though. What did I expect?**

"Yes I know but it's not like I stopped loving her Bree, it's not like I just was able to forget about her." I say because I am trying to defend myself even though Aubrey has all the right in the world to be saying these things to me.

"Are you serious? So you dating Tom after a month is still loving her?" Aubrey says and it stops me more than anything else. **What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?**

"Yea-uh… God you are right. But I-I don't know what else to say, but someone like Tom is what I deserve now… Well did deserve anyway I think… And now he left knowing I needed time to think… I don't deserve Beca. But I thought if I fixed…" And I stop because I have to hold back my sobs.

"Are you and Tom done?" She asks.

"God I don't know… He knows everything and he is trying to be supportive and he gave me some time to think which I am grateful for. He also was there when everything crumbled so…"

"Chloe can you just tell me. Just tell me why you did it." Aubrey says interrupting me. I stop and realize my mouth has gone dry. Aubrey doesn't know why I left but I never wanted her to know either.

"Uh-I-uh.. Aubrey please don't…" I say in a whisper. This is a conversation between Beca and I and I know it would make it tons easier if Aubrey knew but this was something that needed to be solved with Beca being the first to hear. Knowing my luck, words would get twisted and the message wouldn't be relayed.

"Chloe you know you owe her that much right? You owe here that and a lot more and from what I can see, Beca… she's gonna put up a fight and you know that right?"

"I know Bree, I know what I have done but she has to be the first to hear and if you're are there great but I need it to not be a telephone game." I knew that what I had done was bring Beca's walls down and I literally took over her heart and let that get crushed and now it's fragile. What I did only re-enforced those walls that took me so long to tear down. Those walls were put up and I doubt I'd ever be able to see the inside. There's only one thing I was gonna ask of Bree and I knew she would do it to help me. "Can I ask one thing of you?"

"What's that Chloe?"

"Can you tell her to come talk to me or text me or whatever when she can?" And silence took over the phone line. A dead silence where I wondered if Aubrey had actually hung up on me. "Bree?" Another few seconds pass.

"I-uh... Chloe you know that Beca won't like that... Don't get me wrong you owe it to her to explain but Chloe..."

"Please Aubrey just keep hinting at talking this out just do that, like uh-just small hints... Please..." Maybe it's the plea in my voice, maybe it's the desperation, maybe it's the pathetic tone in my voice, whatever it was Aubrey took mercy on me.

"Ok Chloe ok. Just hints though ok nothing else."

"Thank you."

After the phone call with Aubrey I have been trying to get myself together. Every couple of days Beca was still being seen with Emily and it broke me every time. **Come on Chloe, imagine when you did it to Beca with Tom.** I know it's true but I can't help it. Beca is literally smiling and seems like my old Beca... I don't bother to read the articles anymore because somehow my name gets brought in there about how I'm reacting to this blah blah. I know the truth, they don't so they assume Beca at her worst. Beca seems more open to attend things with Emily on her arm. They aren't big on kissing in public but every so often the paparazzi will snap a photo of the two in a quick peck and I can't help but cringe. Every picture I see of them I think about what Beca would or wouldn't like. As I go out to do some basic things I am bombarded with questions about how I feel betrayed and how I must be hurting. And all I could say was how I don't want to comment or how it's not as it seems. Then I imagine what kind of questions Beca and Emily must be getting. **God this is just a mess.** Every morning I wake up and I have no energy. I must have slept more than 8 hours every night but I wake up and there's nothing. I do everything the same every day. I wake up and lay there for some time. Check my phone and see Beca updates or texts for movies and such. And then I eventually get up shower, with no enthusiasm might I need, then I go downstairs make the same coffee in the same mug in the same place every single day. It's pathetic really. **Chloe you are just pathetic.** I shake my head because if I let those thoughts continue I am right back to where I started. Then I dress and go about my day. It's worse when I don't have a movie to work on or anything. Recently I have been able to land a few small parts but that's it. I have tried very hard to not slip into my old ways… **Which got you here in the first place, remember?** I know I have to get out of this black hole that I made myself and it's frustrating that I am not that bubbly person. At least the genuine bubbly person, I am good at faking it. I did for so long anyway. I can pull through this. I have done it before. **I can pull myself from this grave I keep digging myself.**

A couple of weeks after the phone call Aubrey had been trying to get me to have coffee with her and I have finally agreed. Stacie was out of the house and so was Beca so she invited me over. I was hesitant at first but she assured me that Beca and Stacie would be gone all day. I was ready in some comfortable clothes, since we would just sit and drink coffee at her house, and I slipped out of my car to approach her front door.

"Chloe! Hey!" Aubrey says it's that happiness that make me lunge at her and grab her in a hug. How I missed this happy interaction between us, the familiarity of this was close to bringing me to tears.

"Hey Bree!" As I pull back and smile the first real smile in a long time.

"Well come in, let me shut down my computer and I'll meet you in the kitchen." She closes the door behind me and I head towards the kitchen. Everything here feels like home and I make a small detour from the kitchen to the fireplace. I look at all the photos and see that all the pictures of me and Beca have been take away. If I am in the pictures its either an old Bella's one or it's with Aubrey. **I am surprised that those are up.**

"No matter what they said, or what you did, I wasn't gonna take those down." Aubrey said having me a cup. "I mean don't get me wrong I was mad and may have laid them down flat for a several days, but I wasn't gonna take them down." Aubrey says and she is giving me a small smile.

"Thank you Aubrey. For standing behind me when I had no right to have your support." I say back and turn around to hide away the tears that have started to form.

"Chloe…" Aubrey touches my shoulder. "I know that it was hard for you to leave and I know whatever your reason was, was good enough for you to turn your back." I turn around to see that Aubrey is desperately trying to make me feel better. **Even though I don't deserve it.** "And I will tell you the same thing I told Beca and that is you are my family. Beca is also my family. And even though you caused her pain, you will always be apart of me. So yea I won't ever let you feel alone. I will be here Chloe and I want you to know that everything happens for a reason. But I do believe this could have been handled a little different but what's done is done." Aubrey sighs and I know it kills her to be in the middle even though I know that neither I nor Beca would make her pick or decide. "And I know what you're thinking, it doesn't suck to be in the middle, what sucks is to see my family still hurting." And I nod with tears running down my face and I hurt more people than just Beca. I hurt the one true family I had.

"God you have no idea how much I partially regretted the decision I made." And I feel all the emotions at once. **I'll just explain myself now…** "How much I regret hurting all the people I loved but…" I start to say until I am cut off.

"You had to do what you had to do right?" And I turn to see Stacie standing behind me with her arms to her side and she has her green eyes staring right at me.

"I-uh.." I started and I am choking on my words because I am in panic.

"Stacie please don't…" Aubrey starts as she steps partially in front of me. Stacie holds up her hand. And now I am in flew blown panic mode. I have never seen Stacie so determined so stern. Usually I avoid her gaze but I am captivated by her piercing eyes.

"No Aubrey stop." She finally says and I see Aubrey tense and this is really happening.

"No Stacie you stop." I raise my voice a little as I clench my fists and take in a deep breath. **It's about time I defend myself, I can't keep this up…**

"Excuse me?" Stacie responds with her eyebrow raised and a hint of anger lacing the words.

"I said stop." I look back towards Aubrey whose eyes have widened and she looks like she will puke. "I am so sick of you treating me like shit."

"Oh you are sick of ME treating YOU like shit huh?!" Now she is challenging me and Stacie is not backing down and neither will I.

"Yea I am. I am so sick of you thinking you know everything but you don't. You don't know anything."

"Are you fucking serious?" Stacie is getting redder in the face and it's as if her emotions are rubbing on me. I feel myself getting angry.

"Yea I am serious. You don't know anything."

"Well I'll tell you what I do know ok? I know that you are a conniving bitch. I know you broke Beca, I know that you couldn't give two shits about her…"

"Fuck you Stacie. Just fuck you ok. Because you fucking don't know what happened and I won't let you win this time." I snapped. **She can't come in and assume the worst. She doesn't know.**

"You won't let me win? You are the one that left. You are the one that turned her back. What was it getting to serious for you? Was it just some game to you? Huh?" Stacie looks on the verge of tears. "What was it this whole time?! You know what it was obviously nothing…"

"All you do is assume Stacie you don't…"

"YOU'RE RIGHT! I FUCKING DON'T KNOW CHLOE! SO WHY DON'T YOU EXPLAIN IT HUH?! THAT IS WHY WE ASSUME THE WORST BECAUSE YOU HAVE GIVEN US NO OPTION CHLOE." We are inches apart from each other. And I am trying to form my next sentence. **She's right. I didn't give them anything else to base their view of me.**

"You don't' think that I love her huh? You don't think that it fucking killed me to leave huh? You think it was easy just to…" Tears are falling and I am gasping for breath.

"ENOUGH!" Aubrey says standing in front of me addressing Chloe.

"She fucking started…" Stacie said getting in Aubrey's face.

"I said ENOUGH Stacie." Aubrey said take another step in front Stacie. "I've had it with the both of you." Aubrey says now directing her attention to me. "I've had it with the fighting and the yelling and the insults." Aubrey looks defeated. I feel so horrible causing this riff in her family and in our friendship. It's not fair that my problems affect their relationship. All Stacie did was glare and I can feel her burn holes into. I am sure the look I was sending back was causing her to look the same way at me. "Now if you don't want me to A.) Vomit everywhere and B.) To not be mad at any of you, you guys better start settling down and listen to me very clearly. You will respect each other in front of me. I know where both of you are coming from believe me. But I will not allow this back and forth. That being said if you will not say nice or civil things shut you're fucking mouth." We both stared wide eyed at Aubrey and knew we had gotten in trouble. I slowly glanced at Stacie and sent her pleading eyes. She looked at me and shrugged and she crossed her arms in front of her and hung her head. She stayed like that until she finally spoke.

"I am trying to understand ok?" And she finally stares at Aubrey and I see her gaze soften. "I am finally gonna see what is happening. All this hostile air is putting a strain on me and Beca but mostly you. It is not fair to you. It's not fair that I make you chose between her and Beca. I mean Beca doesn't do that why should I do that to you? Granted we know why Beca is doing it, because she still can't stand any foul talk about Chloe," She glances my way and I don't feel as threatened. "… which explains why she hasn't tried to correct all the rumors because it would make you the bad guy." She says still looking at me. "And I mean you are but Beca would never let that happened no what matter what you have done to her she wouldn't let that happen." And I hear her voice becoming more stern.

"Stacie…" Aubrey says warningly.

"Right sorry. Anyway I am here to not hate you anymore basically." She says now looking at the floor. "I am here to help Beca heal. I have to agree if she just talks it out with the cause of the problem it would give her closure." She says flat out. I am unsure how to feel. Yes, this is what we need, we need to talk this out but closure? Full on complete closure? **That means that she can finally push me out completely. I would never have her right? That's what closure is isn't?**

"Chloe listen I just mean Beca can't just look at you and shut down anymore. Or the mention of your name cause her to panic." Stacie says as if she is reading my mind. "She needs to be able to see you and control those feelings. If I am being honestly that night a couple of weeks ago, I thought for sure you had sent her into shock, that those 8 months when down the drain. But instead I saw Beca hold her own and that was something I didn't expect." Stacie says as she walks over to sit on the couch and Aubrey moves as well so I think I should too. I sit across from them and wait. Stacie looks like something is troubling her and I know she will keep talking. "Chloe before that I night I was convinced that you didn't love Beca." She looks up and now I see she's letting me in her mind. I can see that pain behind her eyes that she shielded with anger. I know that this has taken a toll on her too. "Before that night I had my mind set on the fact that you strung her along for a reason that was unknown to me. Before that night I saw the worst in you." And I put my head down and tears start to run down my cheeks once again. **This day has taken a different direction.** "I hated you more than Beca did, more than anyone really." Stacie had a couple tears run down her cheek as well. I look at Aubrey and she is torn between holding up a good front and letting the emotions get the best of her. "But that night, when Jesse mentioned some of the looks you were giving Beca, it confused the shit out of me. I know jealous Chloe, so I knew something was going on still." Stacie started to wipe her tears away. "I knew the second I realized jealous Chloe had slipped out that you had feelings for her which led me to actually question why you did what you did. It led me to believe that things aren't always black and white and I know you can't explain to us…" Stacie reached over to grab Aubrey's hand. "… but the very least you could do is explain to Beca this whole mess." There was a pause and Stacie smiled to herself and spoke again. "Now that's something I never thought I would say to you after what you did. Never would I have given you a chance to explain yourself. But the day after that night Aubrey made it clear that this is what Beca needed and after the emotions you displayed I have to say now, that I-uh I agree." Stacie looked at me with a mix of emotions. She had a look of plea, of sadness, and of vulnerability.

"Stacie I-uh-I know that I have been hurting you guys and have been hurting Beca but I-uh-I had too. I had to push her away and…" I look like a mess I know I do. **Just tell them just say why you did it.**

"Look Chloe you don't have to explain to us. I know that this should be left between you and Beca. I see that now. I just wanted you to know why I acted the way I did. Why I was so cold with you." Stacie said and she got up and straightened herself out. "I'll leave you guys to whatever you were doing I just saw an opportunity and decided to take it."

"Wait Stacie…" I stood up and gained some confidence that Stacie had from what she revealed. "Look I am sorry for hurting you guys…" I slowly reach out and she lets me grab her hand. "I am sorry for everything and I know I have a lot to do to make you realize how sorry I am but I want you to know that I made a decision that I thought was right at the moment. I made a decision that ruined both of our lives. And maybe you will never understand but I had to do what I had to do because in my heart I love Beca… I love Beca so much that I couldn't have her drown with me. I only knew of one way to get Beca to hate me… So I did it." Stacie had reached over and grabbed my other hand. I let out truth. I feel some weight fall off my shoulders and it causes more tears to come and I have to stop talking and I have to bring my hands to my face. There's silence and that's when I feel someone hug me. My legs give out from the sudden contact and without looking I immediately hug back and to have such comfort, feels so wonderful.

"God Chloe…" And I know it's Stacie who is hugging me. "Why do you have to be so… difficult…" And she chuckles because there's honesty behind that but there's also a hint of understanding. I feel Aubrey hug us too and she is sobbing as well. I know Stacie will have a while before she fully trusts me, if that, but I know she understands me now. She understands how hard it really was for me, how much I love Beca. We stay like this for a while and it's not awkward. I finally feel strength in my legs and I let go.

"Thank you." I whisper and I feel embarrassed all the sudden.

"Hey…" Stacie says and she rubs the back of her neck. "It'll take some time but I just want you to know that I want to be here for you too. I want to be like Aubrey and support both you guys.

"You have no idea what that means to me Stace." I smile and I see her smile back.

Stacie said she had to return a couple of emails so she would leave us too whatever we were doing. Before she left she gave Aubrey a quick kiss and she stood in front of me and wrapped me in a hug. She told me she would see me around and that gave me hope. Hope that this would all pass and I would have sunshine in my life for most of the time instead of darkness. Aubrey and I settled into conversation mostly about how her relationship with Stacie was going. It felt so normal, it felt like old times where we would talk about our relationships. Their love was so similar to mine with Beca's. To be there for Aubrey to speak her heart about loving Stacie felt so good because my friends were happy. **I know this internally hurts me but I couldn't be anymore happier.** We have switched our cups of coffee for a glass of wine. As we settle into wine conversation we here someone open the front door. **Who could that be?**

"AUBREY?" I see Aubrey widen her eyes and look straight at me. **Who is that? She sounds familiar…**

"Uh-Yeah we are uh-in here…" Aubrey says and she still has her eyes on me.

"Aubrey, Beca sent me to find a flash drive and she said you could point me to the location of all her flash drives…" The girl turns the corner and stop dead in her tracks. She is beautiful. Long brown straight hair. Legs up to her chin. And her eyes… So big and brown and kind… **Oh shit…**

"Oh I didn't know you had company…" Emily says and recognition sets in on her face. "Oh Chloe…" Emily's eyes widen and she looks terrified.

"Legacy…" Is all I can muster because this just got even more interesting.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey Everyone! So sorry for such a late update! I had a bit of conflicting ideas with this story but I think I have it where I want it. Thank you for your patience. Hopefully everyone is following how this story is going down and if something is unclear please ask. The next chapter, I think will have a bigger flash back and be Chloe's point of view. (Not sure if you noticed but it has been alternating.) Also as you all know PP isn't mine but all the wonderful mistakes are. Also I love to hear what you guys think so far, so please rate and review. Also my other stories will be updated soon if you are following those as well. I think I covered most everything.**

 **Now on with the show...**

 **God Emily is so pretty**. The way her hair falls effortlessly around her face. The way her eyes scrunch up when she smiles. The way her eyes just look so inviting and comforting makes me melt. It has been a couple of weeks since the paparazzi captured us in our first kiss. Emily was just so understanding and was so good at calming me down whenever we went out together and the paparazzi bombarded us with Chloe questions. The first time it happened I almost hit the dude but Emily quickly defused the situation. Not that I want to compare, but Emily is so much like Chloe, its crazy. She's so caring, and kind and she can read me like a book, almost anyway. The only one that could figure me out without any questions was Chloe, she was so good at that. **You are not supposed to be comparing remember?** I shake my head and continue to stare at Emily. It's so cute watching Emily write down her emotions on paper for her songs. The way her eyebrow's knit when she's trying to make sense of her furious writing. Or how when she is thinking, she sticks the end of her writing utensil in her mouth and lightly chews on it. I have found countless pens and pencils with traces of her on them. She looks up at me and I don't even bother looking away but instead I give her a smile.

"What Beca?" Emily whispers, as she starts to wipe her face, obviously thinking that something was on her.

"Nothing." I say and I reach for her hands and pull them from her face. "I just like staring at you." She smiles her shy smile.

"Well by all means, please…" She winks and I chuckle.

At first, I will say, it was weird being like this with Emily. I second guessed myself all the time. When I first started to date Chloe it was natural. It came like second nature. And when things began with Emily, I don't know if it was from the whole big mess with Chloe or something but I was very hesitant with her. **You are comparing them again.** I turn my attention back to my laptop to try and stop that kind of thinking. Emily slowly eased me into this type of contact. She would ask whether holding my hand would be ok in certain situations or whether she could kiss me really quick. It made me feel so happy that Emily just didn't assume I was just being stupid but instead she took her time. The plan we came up with the first day we met, had vanished. Not only did I not want to use Emily like that, but I really thought this could be something. Not like love or anything… **God knows that that might be too soon.** But I really did start to like Emily a lot. I rarely thought about Chloe anymore and if she was mentioned I could look away and pretend to not care. **That is the best thing that has happened, being able to pretend I don't care.** I obviously still have this grudge toward her, but it doesn't shut me down anymore. It doesn't make me care or run away. I have to thank Emily for that, she made me forget. **It's more like a cover up Beca, you know eventually you'll have to do something.** I shake my head because that is just too logical. **I don't have to do shit, I can bury those feeling way down deep.**

"Hey." I focus back in on the present. I feel her reach for my hands and I look her way.

"Hey." I breath out giving her a small smile.

"What's wrong Becs?" I slightly widen my eyes at the nickname. **That sounded so much like Chloe…** And I clear my throat and shake my head.

"Uh-nothings wrong Emily." I say because saying that she reminded me of Chloe for a split second was probably not a good answer.

"Then what's troubling you? I can tell something is bothering you." She says that so sincerely it's no wonder she can crack me.

"Emily really it's nothing." I say trying to steer the conversation somewhere else. Somewhere I have been trying to for the past couple of days. "But I do want to talk about uh-us." I see her narrow her eyes and I realize that sounded bad. "Not like bad talk-I mean unless you have something to say, by all means go ahead. But instead I meant in general just us." I realize that I am rambling and I shake my head again. **God Beca, get it together.** "OK what I meant…" I hear her giggle and my rambling stops and it makes me smile.

"Ok ok, don't hurt yourself." She says and squeezes my hands.

"I… Ok well I want to talk about what we uh-are you know…" I see her tense and either she has been thinking about this too or she is freaking out.

"Yea, if I am being honest I wanted to talk about it too. I mean I know we are dating but I don't want to push you or anything…

"Emily, look…" I lick my lips and try to not ramble. "You have been so considerate of me Emily and you have no idea how grateful I am that you have been this way. But you can tell me how you feel ok?"

"Ok, Beca. I really like you ok, and I love the dates and spending time together I just want to be able to tell people that I got the best girlfriend ever or the cutest girlfriend ever…" I chuckle.

"I want that too. I don't think finally putting the girlfriend label is too fast, I just want you, now, to feel like you can tell me anything. And I will with you. I just want you to know, that this isn't some game to me ok. I know that day in the park I told you that was the idea of us meeting, but I also said that I felt something that day. I just want to make sure you know that I still feel that something is here. Ok?" I see her smile and nod.

"I know Beca, I know that day you were being honest and I know you wouldn't use me like that."

"OK good. So now that you have fallen for the girlfriend trap fetch me a soda wench." I say pretending to be some royal person.

"As you wish my queen." Emily plays along and even curtsies and it causes me to burst out laughing. She gets up and kisses my cheek and heads into the kitchen. When she comes back, I notice she is thinking about something and she is biting her lip.

"What are you thinking about?" She hands me a soda and she sets a bowl of pretzels in front of us. She sits back on the stool and opens her soda.

"Well, Beca, I just wanted to ask something. And by all means you don't have to answer if you don't want to but I can't help but think about it." She's looking at her soda as if it's the most interesting thing in the world.

"Ok shoot."

"Well-uh what happened with you and uh-Chloe? I mean I know she just left but my question is why? What happened?" I furrow my eyebrows as I reach for a pretzel. **I wish I knew Emily.** And I don't like thinking about it but Emily doesn't mean any harm.

"Well-uh I don't know Emily. I don't know what happened… One day we were fine. Heck even that morning it was all great and we were living on cloud nine." And I hate thinking back to that day. So my throat gets dry. "And the next thing I knew she was walking out that door." Emily looked puzzled. **Join the club.**

"She didn't tell you why?"

"No, she didn't even do that. She just uh-left." I don't want to get into this. **Re-living it and repeating those words I haven't repeated to anyone else.** "Look I don't want to re-live that ok?" I say and I get up to put my laptop away.

"Jesus Beca, I am sorry ok. I didn't mean to upset you." Emily says walking after me and I stop and turn around, masking my feelings.

"You didn't ok. I just haven't talked about that day to anyone because I don't like getting into the details ok?" She nods and we move to the couch to watch some TV. We switch gears and settle into the couch.

* * *

Most of my day's are spent with Emily, besides of course when I am at the studio. Even then Emily will drop by and bring lunch and just hang out. My mind has been preoccupied lately and as time goes on I find myself spending more and more time at Emily's house. Sometimes we head to Aubrey's but I figured that they probably want some space since for the past year they've had to deal with me. I know they wouldn't call me a burden but I know I must have been difficult. I have rarely heard about Chloe except when Aubrey talks about her. It's almost been a year since she left. **It'll be a year in 1 month**. I don't mind Aubrey mentioning her but I wont deny that sometimes I do turn the conversation around when she is brought up.

"Hey Beca."

"Hey Aubrey." I say and I set my bag down on the counter. Emily has a photo shoot that is running late so I decide to check back in with Aubrey.

"Haven't seen you in a while." Aubrey says and there a teasing tone. I look up and she has a smirk other face.

"Yea well all the crack I have been doing has kept me up for days so yea…" I joke because she knows exactly where I've been. She chuckles and hands me a cup of tea.

"Seriously how are things going Beca?"

"If I am being honest, they are great Aubrey." And she looks surprised and she smiles at me.

"Yeah?"

"Yes, I mean being with Emily was probably the best thing that's happened in some time. She helps me forget and occupies me with other stuff. I mean like sometimes I think about, you know, Chloe, but I am able to stop and try and think of other things." I look at Aubrey and she is studying me. "What?"

"Don't get me wrong Beca, I love how bright you seem lately. How when you smile, it's a real smile." I hear a but coming up and I'm not sure where this is going. "But it sounds like this, whatever you have with Emily, is a cover up for feelings. Don't think for one second that I mean this is a fake thing or whatever, but I mean you know you are just bottling up the issue and you are burying it further and further down." I frown. **She's right you know.**

"No Aubrey, it's fine." And I don't want to get into this. I just want to forget. **That's all, let me forget please.**

"Beca come on. I mean think about it. You would feel a ton better if you just talk it out with Chloe and…"

"Stop right there. Stop it. I won't. I told you before I want to avoid that as much as possible."

"Beca just listen…"

"No you listen. It'll be a year in 1 month, she had the first 8 months to explain herself. 8 months to tell me why she stopped loving me…" I say and I am trying so hard to not get into details because I know it'll bring back emotions.

"Wait she said that…?" Aubrey says at a whisper.

"Can we not do this please…" I say as I walk over to the sink. I have let some of what happened that day slip out.

"Beca…" I hunch over the sink and set my cup in there. I sigh and turn around to look at her. "Did she say that?"

"Yes she did. But this conversation is over. I won't hear it anymore." I say crossing back over to sit in the living room. Of course Aubrey follows me.

"Beca I am just saying you can fully get over it if you would just call her…"

"Excuse me?" I say snapping my whole body to turn in her direction. "What did you just say?" I say narrowing my eyes. Aubrey has straightened up and is carefully choosing her next words.

"I just mean if you called her…"

"IF I called her? You can't be serious right? You know, out of all people, that the first month I was the one tracking her down, trying to get her to talk to me, like a fool. Now I have to reach out again?" I say baffled, because I can't believe this conversation is still going on. "She's the one that left remember? She's the one that got over me after a month and dated that idiot. She's the one that didn't explain herself for 8 fucking months and she walks up too me that night at the club like she didn't break my fucking heart, and I am the one that should be calling her right?" I am livid and Aubrey see's that and she makes her way over to get right in front of me. I sigh. **She waited too long to reach out and I am not going to be the one to reach out anymore.** "You know she tried calling after that night in the club…" I look into Aubrey green eyes. I know she hates seeing me like this, and she hates that she is the one causing this outburst. I know she means well, I just don't want any part of it. "She's tried calling several times actually but I won't have it. I can't let her in and think she can walk in and out as she pleases. Let her think that whenever she wants to or is ready, she can come in and talk. It doesn't work like that. What about me huh?" My voice cracks and my voice has gone down to whisper. "Aubrey please understand that this… This is something that I won't give into… I can't do it…" I am holding in tears. I told no one about her calls. So Aubrey must sense that this is something that I wont give in on.

"She called you?"

"Yes she did but Aubrey I won't let her explain anymore ok? She had her chance and she must know that." A few tears have fallen and I clear my throat. "Please can we not talk about it anymore…"

"Ok, ok. I am sorry. I thought… Just forget what I thought. I didn't mean for this to upset you ok." Aubrey says and she is so calm that it somewhat calms me. I shake it off and compose myself.

"No I am sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, it's just still a rough thing for me." Admitting that it still was affecting me, made Aubrey nod her head and grab my arm.

"I know." She squeeze's my arm and I give her a small smile. We sit down at the couch and she tells me how Stacie is doing. I haven't seen them in so long so it was nice to catch up.

"So how is the hunter?"

"Shut up Beca." She says laughing. "Stacie, she is just great. I am so lucky everyday that I come home to her." I see her eyes sparkle with pure love. Love that has been there since the day they got together. If I am being honesty I envy them. Envy that their love still goes strong. "Stacie is someone that deserves the world for putting up with me." I chuckle.

"You can be difficult." And she swats me playfully.

"Really though, I plan on doing anything to make her happy. At whatever cost." I remember something Chloe said, and it was that Aubrey loved Stacie as much as she loved me, and as it impossible as it may seem, she said, she loved me more. I smirk at the wonderful memory but my face falls because of how wrong it was. "I didn't mean to keep talking Beca sorry." I look at her and she looks regretful.

"Don't be. I love hearing about you guys, it makes me happy." I smile and I mean it with every part of my being. Her eyes soften and her smile lifts.

"How is Emily doing anyway?"

"Well she's good. Still the same nerd as before but now she's got those legs…"

"Ok stop." I glance up quirking an eyebrow. "Sorry, I won't allow that. It's weird." She says putting her hands up.

"Hey if I want to say my girlfriend is hot I will Posen." I say smirking.

"Girlfriend?" Aubrey states and she looks surprised.

"Oh yea she's my girlfriend, no big deal." I say shrugging because this really isn't that big of a deal.

"This is a big step for you Beca, and no that wasn't just because you are small." She laughs and I roll my eyes.

"It's no biggie, we just want to say that so that's it." **It shouldn't be that big of deal.**

"Ok fine." She glances at her watch and looks at me. "Why don't we make dinner plans with our ladies and have night out together?"

"That sounds awesome."

* * *

For the past month I have been spending so much time at the studio. I only leave to go to sleep or to catch coffee breaks. Emily has been showing up and staying till I leave and repeats it the next day.

"Beca, babe, you are working yourself to much." Emily says as she rubs my shoulders. I am concentrating on mixing a track and I know I must look like shit.

"Emily I know, it's just the deadline for this is approaching fast and I just don't want this to be all last minute." I listen to the track I just mixed again and it is missing something. I ask Emily for my bag and dig through it.

"What are you looking for?" Emily says staring at the mess I am.

"I am looking…" I say between my struggle. "Looking for my flash drive that has my most recent mixes." I pull one out and inspect it. I toss it on the table and pull out more.

"So those aren't the flash drives you are looking for I assume…" She says chuckling.

"Shit." I say, completely ignoring her. I fumble some more and realize I don't have the one I'm looking for.

"What's wrong?"

"I just forgot a flash drive at Aubrey's." I hesitate because I'll waste time leaving and I should be working.

"I'll go get it Beca." Emily says snapping me out of my frustration.

"Really?" I say because this could help me out.

"Yea I'll get it. What does it look like?"

"Ok I have a drawer filled with them. Ask Aubrey where it is and you should be looking for a black flash drive and it has a label that reads '10/4 - Official'. Make sure it's the official one and not the demo one."

"Wait you have a drawer filled with them?"

"Yes."

"And it's the demo one right?"

"Emily..."

"I'm kidding Beca." She says giving me a light smile. I nod. **I really do need to lighten up.** With a quick kiss she is off.

It's been about 2 hrs and Emily is still not back. **Where is she?** I look at my phone for the fifth time and set it down. **Nothing**. I start to get my coat on and I hear the studio door open. I spin around and in comes Emily.

"Finally babe. I was just gonna go look..." I stop and realize that she's spaced out. I study her and wave my hand in her face. "Ems?" Still I get nothing. I snap my fingers and say her name again. "Emily?" She slowly lifts her gaze and looks at me.

"What?" She states.

"Is something wrong? Are you ok?" I say now a bit worried cause she is completely out of it.

"What?" She repeats again.

"Emily are you… are you ok?" I say helping her sit in the arm chair.

"Uh-yea. Totally fine." And she looks lost almost.

"Hey look at me." I say lifting her chin and I know she's looking at me but she looking right through me. "Hey… What is wrong Emily?" She finally sees me and she sighs.

"Uh-I... When I when to Aubrey's uh-she was there..."

"Uh ok…" I say because obviously Aubrey was there.

"... And she wasn't alone... She was with... Chloe, Chloe was there." And my eyes widen and Emily is looking at me scared. My throat tightens and my chest constricts. I feel panic flood my body. As calmly as I can I hold in my nerves.

"And?" **That sounded convincing, I think.**

"And we talked..." I freeze and tense up. My eyes widen once again and Emily is looking at me.

"You what?" I whisper because this really can't be happening.

"We talked Beca. I mean what else was I supposed to do? Ignore her?" I get up and start to mindlessly walk around in circles. **This can't be right? I mean is it my luck that this would happened?**

"Uh ok. Yea alright." That's all I say because my mind is racing. **What could they have talked about? Do I want to know? Should I ask?**

"Beca look at me." Now she's in control because I am losing my shit. **But it shouldn't be such a big deal right? I mean just my current girlfriend talking with the ex love of my life, no biggie right?** I look at her while I am biting my thumbnail. I'm on the brink of exploding.

"Huh?" I say because I heard her muffled voice speak again.

"I said sit down." She pulls me into the armchair and she stands up. Panic. Just panic everywhere. "I think I need to tell you what happened." I shake my head because I don't want to talk about her...

"No no it's fine. I'm fine."

"Stop. You're not. Look you sent me to Aubrey's house and I used the key. I know someone was there so I called out because I didn't want to scare who ever was in there. I walked into the living room and ... And she was there... She was there sitting..."

 _I walk in and I hear Aubrey say 'we are in here'._ ** _Aww Stacie's here too…_** _Sounds like they are in the living room. I make my way down the hallway towards the living room and I begin to speak._

 _"Aubrey, Beca sent me to find a flash drive and she said you could point me to the location of all her flash drives." I am near the room and I turn the corner. "Apparently something about a whole drawer filled with them…" And I see red hair instead of brown sitting next to Aubrey._ ** _She looks familiar…_** _"Oh I didn't know you had company…" And it hits me._ ** _I know who she is._** _"Oh Chloe…"_ _She's staring right at me._

 _"Legacy…"_

 ** _It's fucking Chloe…_** _By this point I am in flown blown panic mood and I look at Aubrey, who looks like she's gonna throw up any second. Chloe has the death stare going on. I start to back away and try to repeat why I am there in the first place._

 _"I was just sent here by Beca…" Aubrey gets up to figure out what I want. Chloe gets up too and I stand awkwardly as she approaches me._

 _"How have you been?"_ ** _Am I sweating?_**

 _"I've been fine. How have you been?" She's looking at me and I know she doesn't actually care. "How's uh-Beca?" I notice sadness take over her eyes. I hesitate because it's weird that she ignored my question._ ** _It's not that weird. What's weird is she asked about Beca, I just didn't think she would ask straight away._** _I'm not sure how to react so I say the first thing that comes to my mind._

 _"She's really great." Because quite frankly Beca is great._ ** _She's so good without you Chloe…_** _I gain some confidence because it feels like she's looking for some kind of fight. Now what spreads across her eyes is a mix of jealousy and hurt. Aubrey clears her throat and I direct my attention to her. I begin to explain why I am here I can feel her staring at me, practically burning holes into my face. And I finish talking and awkwardly look everywhere except at her._

 _"Uh-yea, follow me Emily. Her drawer is in the den." I begin to follow her until I feel a gentle hand on my arm. I turn around and see Chloe's pleading eyes. She asks me to stay so we can catch up and Aubrey interjects. "I don't think that's a good idea Chloe." And I stare at Chloe._

 _"It's fine." I say still staring because I think it's about time this happened. There is a deafening silence between us and I know she is waiting for Aubrey to catch a hint. Eventually Aubrey does but not until she asks one more time if I am sure. I re-assure her that I am and she asks what I was looking for. I explain and with that she walks out of the room. We stand there challenging each other._

 _"So… Uh-whats up Chloe?" I say turning around to sit on the couch._ ** _You got this Emily just fake the confidence you'll be fine._** _As I sit I try to make myself look calm and collected._

 _"Not much, I am sure you know." She states and theres that sadness again._

 _"Uh-yea, I mean I really don't but I think I can guess…"_ ** _Smooth._**

 _"Is that so?" She says lifting an eyebrow. She's still standing with her arms crossed in front of her._

 _"No wait. That's not what I meant. I just mean, I know you must be doing not much…"_

 _"You are rambling. Beca rub off on you much?" She says smiling. It's a sad smile._ ** _Wait, can she just talk about Beca like that?_** _I shake off that thought._

 _"Uh maybe I guess. Beca does tend to rub off on people I guess."_

 _"Yea, that's Beca for you…"_ ** _She's talking like this is normal. This isn't normal._**

 _"Yea I suppose."_

 _"Beca even gave you her nervous neck scratch move." And I didn't realize I had been scratching my neck._ ** _Why is she saying stuff like that._**

 _"Excuse me?" I say but I am not sure where that came from._

 _"Hmm?" She says with a puzzled look._

 _"Why are you talking like this isn't weird? Like you have the right to talk to me about Beca?" Maybe I am being dramatic but it just threw me off how she talked about Beca that way._

 _"I don't have the right?" She says and there's that stern stare._ ** _It's the same one Beca does when she's disagree's with me…._**

 _"Actually no you don't. You can't talk like you didn't do anything to my girlfriend." I say standing up._

 _"You think you have the right to judge me?"_

 _"Yea I do. Because what concerns Beca, concerns me. So I would appreciate if you didn't talk about her."_ ** _Not sure where I am getting this confidence._**

 _"Before you say something else, you don't know anything Emily. I am quite positive that she has not even explained to you anything."_

 _"You're right, she hasn't. But now I am realize I don't care. She doesn't like talking about you so the less I hear, the less I have to think about you hurting her." I am up close in her face with my arms crossed too. There's a moment of silence again and I see her having an internal battle with herself._

 _"Emily you know how much I love her right? I don't want to fight." She looks defeated. "I am trying to stand up for myself. I really am. I don't want people to assume anymore. I want to explain why I did what I did. You of all people know how much I love her…" She breaks that stern wall. I see her eyes tear up. "I am so conflicted Emily you have no idea. I won't lie to you. I love how happy you make her but I hate that it's you and not me…" She chokes on a sob. "Emily, I want to explain myself but I know I have no right. I lost my chance." I am so torn._ ** _Beca does need closure. As her girlfriend this could lead to us moving to the next step. As her friend I just want her to fully heal and not cover up anything._**

 _"I know Chloe. I know that whatever you did to her broke her. That's why I am so defensive about you talking like you didn't do anything bad. And I want to help her I really do." I say and I unfold my arms too. "Every time I mention you she shuts me out. She ends the conversation."_

 _"I know. Just… Just know, that I do have a reason ok? I just…" She is struggling for words and I see that this has destroyed her._

 _"I know. And Chloe if I could I would help…" And out of the corner of my eye Aubrey comes in. She hands me the flash drive and I put it in my pocket._

 _"Look I do have to go."_

 _"Emily maybe you shouldn't tell her you saw me. I don't want to cause a problem." I think about it and she has a point._ ** _But she should know what Chloe wants to do._**

 _"I don't know. I don't like keeping things from Beca." I look at my phone and realize I have been gone a long time. "Shit ok I have to go. Bye Aubrey." I give her a quick hug. I turn my attention to Chloe. "I'll see ya around yea?" And she nods with tears still in her eyes. I turn on my heel and I am out the door._

"So that's what happened." Emily says looking at me cautiously. **Just play it off like nothing Beca.**

"Uh ok, that's cool." I say getting up to go back to the mixing board. I plug in the flash drive and begin my work.

"Beca?"

"Hmm?"

"That's it?"

"Um for what?" She spins my chair around.

"That's all you have to say?" She says with a puzzled look on her face.

"Well, what were you expecting? For me to care?" I say and try to turn my chair back around. She stops me and I sigh.

"I know you care Beca."

"Can we not do this now Emily? I don't have time for this." I shrug. **Good job, keep it up.**

"Well, I think you should think about talking to her." I scoff. **This is just irritating.**

"Uh-No, but thanks."

"No seriously give her a chance…" **I fucking have had enough.**

"No I won't. I wont give her a fucking chance Emily ok? She doesn't get to tell you how she's feeling and expect that I have pity. That ship fucking sailed long ago." I feel myself getting angrier. **Why is Emily defending her?**

"Beca if you would just talk to her you could…"

"I said no Emily."

"Beca seriously, think…"

"I fucking said no! What part of that don't you get? Are you picking her side instead of your girlfriend's?" **That's not fair Beca.**

"I'm not Beca…" I can see her stand back and get small.

"Whatever I don't have fucking time for this. I won't fight about her. Now I think you should leave because I am very busy Emily." **How cold.** I see her look defeated. I know she didn't mean any harm but she couldn't take no for an answer.

"Alright." She hesitates picking up her coat and stands, fidgeting with her hands. "Guess I'll see you later." And with that Emily walks out the door. **Way to go Mitchell, way to go.**

What a day this has turned out to be. After Emily left, my mind was preoccupied with other things. **Why? Why does this have to keep happening?** I check my phone and still see that Emily has yet to call or text me. **Why would she text you? You told her to leave.** I let my head hit the table and realize that I will not be getting anything else done. It's been about 2 hours since Emily left and I hate that my day took a turn for the worst. **Well, today is the anniversary of my devastation so it makes sense way my day went to shit. This is all Chloe's fault. It is her who seems to mess my life up.** I start to pack up my things and reach for my phone one more time. I scroll through my contacts and stop a specific number. **You should have deleted this number long ago.** I stare at my screen. A part of me wants to call Chloe or text her and tell her to stay the hell away from me and Emily. Not like completely away from Emily, if they want to be friends then by all means. But I want her to stay away from MY relationship with Emily. She has no right to fill Emily's mind with guilt or pity and expect something from me. I slam my phone on the table because I am getting angrier just thinking about HER. **I just want to forget all of this and I really should call Emily…** That's when I hear a knock on the door. I stand up and look at the time. **Almost 8, who would be here?** I go to the door and pull it open. It's Stacie and she looks worried.

"Stacie are you ok?" It's the first thing I say considering how she is showing up.

"Hey Beca." She says and I let her in. I have my coat on and watch her slowly walk in and stand awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"You know I was just leaving so…"

"Oh were you?"

"Uh-yea. But you seem upset or something. Whats wrong?" I say again because Stacie looks like she might blow chunks. **A look she might be getting from Aubrey…**

"Listen Beca I need to talk to you." **Should I panic? Why is this day turning out so weird.**

"Yea sure. Lets sit." We walk over to the couch and I take off my coat. My palms are sweating. Stacie starts biting on her thumbnail and I may or may not be on edge. I reach up and pull her hand from her mouth. "You keep that up and you wont have a thumb left…" I say trying to lighten the mood and Stacie gives me a forced smile. "Ok out with it Stacie."

"Look Beca well, I saw Chloe today and…"

"Oh Jesus Christ not you too." I stand and began to put my coat on. "Whatever Chloe said I am sure we can talk about as we walk." I turn around and see Stacie is just sitting there.

"Me too?" Stacie says curiously.

"Yea, well long story short Emily ran into Chloe at your house and they got to talking and basically she came back and we had some sort of disagreement." I say shrugging.

"Disagreement about what?" I sigh and sit in a nearby chair.

"Apparently Chloe somehow… Well not somehow, it's Chloe, you know how convincing she is. Anyway Chloe said something that had Emily coming in here saying how I should talk to her and blah blah. And I got mad and well Emily left and yea…" I say leaving my head in my hands.

"Beca, look, you know that I have your back no matter what. This whole time Beca, you know that I was on your side." I slowly lift my head eyeing Stacie suspiciously.

"Ok?" I can feel it coming on. **Not Stacie too right?**

"Well Beca maybe you should talk to Chloe…"

"You must be fucking kidding me right?" I say coldly.

"Beca, believe me, it pains me to say this because you know how much I hated her for what she did…"

"Yet you sit here, in front of me and you say that? You say something like that to me? You of all people?" **Is my voice getting higher?**

"Beca I know. Listen just think…"

" What did she say to you Stacie huh? Why is that now you are on her side?"

"Wait no Beca, I am not on her side, I am on yours…"

"You're on my side? It's hard to see that when you are sitting here saying this." She stands up and walks over to me and kneels in front of me.

"Stop it. You know I am on your side. You know that. I am not defending her Beca. I told her exactly how I felt about her. She knows. What's hurting me is what you keep trying to hold all of this in. You can't heal, and this is hurting you. You are now strong enough to say how she doesn't affect you. But imagine how free you will feel when you can stop covering this with a bandaid. I know you like Emily but I know she is a coverup Beca, and I think she knows that. She knows and she want to help by freeing you from this burden because then you could take the next step with her…"

"Enough, I've had enough." I stand up walking away and I shake my head running my hands through my hair. **The next step? Wait, whoa I won't be going there again…** "I don't know what you've heard or what you think but I am not even remotely thinking about the next step after all this. I know where that leads Stacie and I'll be damn if I let that happen again." I turn around to see that Stacie has gotten up.

"Cut the crap Beca. I know you don't really believe that. I know you are still broken from Chloe. I know she was the love of your life. I know that. I don't know if you'll ever find another love like that, I am not gonna sugar coat anything. But I do know that if you don't heal right now Beca, she will always be here," Stacie points to her temple. "and if you don't want that Beca, like you say you don't, if you don't want to keep living in your past you need to do something." **Stacie is crazy right? I mean she expects me of all people to confront this? Maybe she's right, wait no she's not…**

"You know you are right." I say picking up my bag and my keys from the table. "You are right I do need to do something." I walk over to the door and pull it open and I see her surprised looked. "I'll do what I do best… I'll ignore it." And with that I walk out the door leaving Stacie wide eyed.

 **I can't believe it. Stacie had the nerve.** I briskly walk to Aubrey's when I realize that maybe I shouldn't go there. **Well, your stuff is there and Emily, well you know what happened with Emily…** This has been an overly stressed day and all I really want to do is go to sleep. **Fuck it.** I'll go to Aubrey's and go straight to sleep. I slow down and pull out my phone. I sigh and call Emily. **Please pick up… Damn it voicemail.**

"Hey Emily it's me. Well, of course you know that, you have caller ID…" **Jesus really?** I clear my throat and run my free hand through my hair. "Listen Ems, please call me back. I am uh-sorry about earlier and I want to talk to you. I am walking to Aubrey's so when you get this call me or text me. Bye." I hang up and sigh. I see THAT number again and hesitate before I shove it back into my coat pocket. **That's what SHE wants, she wants you to call her.** I stop and lean against a parked car. **What I need is a drink**. **I'll just make a quick stop and then head to Aubrey's.** I walk across the street and go to the closest bar I know.

* * *

With three drinks in me, I feel at ease. I made sure not to drunk myself into oblivion, because believe me I wanted to. I drank just enough to ease my stress a little. I pull out my phone and realize its almost 10 o'clock. **Guess I was in there longer then I thought.** I also see that Stacie, Aubrey and Emily called me several times. I have 3 voicemails, one from each. I hear Emily's first.

"Hey Beca, where are you? I am here at Aubreys and they said that you haven't come home yet. Please call me back. It's fine about earlier Beca, uh-I shouldn't have pushed like I did. Just please come home I'll be here ok. Bye." I pull the phone away. **Is it weird she hesitated?** I shake my head and continue to listen to the messages, Stacie next.

"Hey Beca look I am sorry about earlier but you have to understand where this is coming from. Also Emily is here and she said you were coming home but you haven't yet. Call us back ok." I sigh. **Jesus I should have let someone know where I went.** Last message.

"What the Hell Beca? I know it doesn't take this long to get to our house. You better get you ass here pronto or so help me by the aca-gods, I will kick your ass!" I pull the phone away from Posen's screaming and realize I better sprint home if I don't want to be seriously injured.

I pull out my keys and open the door. "HEY GUYS!" And I hear running footsteps. I drop my bag and see Emily running toward me and engulf me in a hug.

"Jesus Beca where have you been? I was about to send Jesse…"

"Jesse's here?" I say and I see him walking behind Emily.

"They called me sounding worried so I came." Jesse said giving me a side hug.

"Yea sorry guys I didn't mean to worry you I just needed to relieve some stress."

"Well maybe we should…" Emily says as her eyes dart between me and the door. Jesse nudges her and Stacie comes up to me and I eye her suspiciously.

"What's going on?" I say still staring at Emily challenging her to look at me.

"Beca first off…" Stacie says and she slaps me on the arm.

"OW!"

"That's what you get for worrying us. And second…" She glances at Jesse and Emily and they all look at me. "You have to understand that we are doing is for your own good…" And they walk me towards the living room.

"What is going on?" And they are partially pushing me towards the living room. We turn the corner and I see Aubrey stand and she is not alone.

Now I have heard that when you see a ghost you become paralyzed. You can feel all the blood in your face drain. Your limbs lock and then you can feel your heart in your throat. You feel your stomach drop and your minds goes blank. Panic runs through your body and then fear. That's what I have heard anyway and I must be looking at a ghost because I felt all of that. The one and only CHLOE BEALE was here in the flesh. I am pretty sure I was being held up by Stacie, Jesse and Emily at this point because all my strength was gone. She looks me right in the eyes and I can feel her in my soul. My life with her flashes before my eyes and then I am fuming. I rip my arms from Stacie and Emily and I step away from them in disgust. **What the FUCK?**

"You guys are something else…" Emily tries to reach her hand out and I hold my hand up making her stop. "You guys ambush me like this, like I am the one that did something bad. Like I am the one who caused this. And you bring her… You bring her and except what huh?" I don't even give them the chance to answer. "Fuck you guys. And especially FUCK you." I point to Chloe and I turn my back and walk into the kitchen to catch my breath. **I can't believe they did that. I have to get out of here.** **Did I just tell Chloe "Fuck You"?** That's when I feel someone put there hands on my shoulders and I spin around and try to pull away.

"Wait Beca listen. You need to do this." It's Emily and she has me pinned against the island in the middle of the kitchen. "You need to do this." I pull away from her but she's persistent.

"I don't have to do a fucking thing Emily." And I yank myself from her and she steps back. "I can't believe you would allow this or even be apart of this…" I whisper. I feel all my emotions at once coming.

"I know I shouldn't have but this was the only way to get you guys to talk. I know you wouldn't…"

"Oh really?" I say sarcastically.

"Beca, we are all here to help you. She just wanted you alone. I knew if you were alone you would have left or just sat there and said nothing because you don't trust her and you won't give her the time of day. We are here because you need support. With us here you feel safe right?"

"Well, after being betrayed I am not sure about safe…" I say as coldly as possibly. I see Emily flinch and it takes everything I have not to roll my eyes. **It's a habit ok.** "What is it that you guys want from me really? Why are you guys doing this to me?" I say because I have had enough. **I really have.** "I finally pulled myself together and I am barely holding myself together ok and you guys are just trying to break everything I am trying to rebuild…"

"Beca we want you to be you." She says it like it's obvious. I look down and run my hands through my hair. "I mean you are you but there are days when I really do see YOU come out. It happens randomly and it makes us all light up. I know you are covering it up with other things, with hate and with me." I look at her and I see the sadness. "I know you do it."

"Stop." I reach out and grab her arms. "Don't you ever think that I have lied to you about how I feel." I push some of her hair behind her ears.

"I know that, but am I completely wrong? I know I was a bandaid and I was ok with that. But I don't want to be just a coverup anymore. As a friend I want you to heal." I look into her eyes and lean in to rest our foreheads together.

"I-uh, Emily…" **Just do it Mitchell.**

"She just wants to explain Beca. And we are here for you." I pull back and look at her one more time. **I can't believe she has convinced me. One point for Chloe… Fight it…**

"Why are you doing this?" I whisper. I look into her eyes, those beautiful chocolate brown eyes. Eyes I could drown in and I am certain she has a hold on me. **Kinda like Chloe did…**

"Beca, I told you…"

"No. Why are you doing this Emily? Is it cause you know you can?" I pull a bit more away. **She's using you cause she knows she can Beca, just like Chloe did…**

"What?" She looks genuinely puzzled. **Don't fall for it.**

"You know you have these eyes and this presence, that can make me crumble…" **Why are you telling her you idiot?!** "I fell for this stuff once you know…" Maybe it's the fact that I have had some alcohol and it's not letting me think straight, or maybe it's the fact that all these emotions are on the surface at once. Who knows what it is but I know that this vulnerability got me hurt in the first place.

"I am not Chloe." She's caught on to my train of thought. **Stop this now Mitchell.** She's stepped back into my bubble and has her hands on my face.

"You guys are so similar. You care so much, you have these eyes that captivate me, that lure me in and I drown in them. But who will save me from drowning…" I am now talking above a whisper and close my eyes. **Don't look in her eyes, don't do it.**

"Look at me." I shake my head. **She won't get me**. "Beca… Please… Look at me…" And it's her voice that makes my eyes slowly open. **Damn it Mitchell you are just weak.** Her eyes are filled with concern and love. **Love?** "I am not Chloe, Beca. I am not going to hurt you. I care about you so much Beca. I am here right? I am here for you as a girlfriend and as a friend. I will put you first as a friend to help you Beca. You are so good at putting up this front and I don't want you to have to anymore." I pull from her embrace and step back again and run my hands through my hair. I am trying to hard to fight, to make this go away. I look at her and hear the last words she said. **She's not gonna hurt me? She cares?** I close my eyes and shake my head. I stop and pick my head up and look at her. I feel my eyes tear up.

"She cared too you know? She wasn't gonna hurt me either…" I choke out these words. I see her face fall and again she steps up to me.

"Please don't. Don't see the bad."

"How can I not Emily… She was supposed to love me remember?" **I shouldn't be fighting with Emily. This isn't her fault.**

"I know Beca. I know. I know you are scared but I want you to trust me. You have too. I am not gonna leave you just like that. Please just trust me…" She is on the brink of tears too. **How can I just trust her. I mean she didn't do anything but how can I trust anyone anymore?** I reach out to her because I hate it when she cries. I run my thumb across her cheek while my other hand puts her hair behind her ear. I am thinking a million things but the one thing I am concerned about is Emily crying. This happened with Chloe too, we would fight and she would cry and it always stopped me and made me think of how to stop her from crying. I could have been so mad at her but the second I would hear her cry and look at her tears fall my heart would sink. **Emily is doing it and everything in me is telling me to not give in.** Theres only one way to stop her from crying. **You're friends are here Beca, for you. She is thinking about you as a friend that needs to heal first, not just because of the romantic relationship.**

"Fine." Emily has been tense this whole time and she relaxes at my word. "I just wish… You had not done it behind my back. I just wish this was different." I pull at her chin and give her a kiss. "What's done is done. Now…" I pull away and straighten up. "Lets do this." I give her a nod and I follow her towards the living room. I stop before entering and catch my breath. Emily sees and pulls me into a comfort made me slip into a mini bliss. This embrace was something I needed all day, a second of just pure warmth. Emily must have noticed because she hugs me tighter and I hug her back. My head is in the crock of her neck. I plant a kiss there and pull back. She has this look of pure adoration and it makes me smile a real smile.

"There's Beca." She whispers. "There is Beca coming out."

"Because of you…" I whisper back. She plants a kiss on my cheek and asks me if I am ready. I nod and take a last deep breath and follow her into the room.

They all watch me as I walk in and stand in one spot. I see Emily making room for me on the couch. "Oh no I wont be sitting." I say and she looks at me and then at everyone else. I look at HER and stare at her eyes. Those eyes that could break me in a split second. I stare and see uncertainty in her eyes. All I can see is hate. Those eyes used to make me feel safe, one look into them and I felt comfort and warmth. I smirk because I got the push I needed. "So the CHLOE BEALE wants to talk huh?! Some anniversary present wouldn't you say?" I see everyone look at each and then back at me. I see her look down and that's another push. **Beca this isn't you.** I smirk once more because this is me now. "That's why you are here right? So let's fucking talk." I am going to need all the courage in the world because I, Beca Mitchell, am not going down without a fight this time. **Not this time.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey Everyone! So this is the last chapter before the big talk. Like I have said before the outcome is still wishy-washy only because of how the story has progressed. I think this chapter and two more maybe should do it for this story. Unless you guys have other ideas than let me know! Anyway I think I have the hang of FF finally, also I will try to update as soon as I can. That goes for my other two stories. Sorry for the delay if you are following those. Though I did update one earlier. As always I do not own anything except the storyline and mistakes. And thank you to everyone else who commented but I didn't get back to you. It means a lot all the reviews and followings.**

 ** _jjnovak: I'm glad you are so into it :) . Hopefully Chloe's reasoning is ok with you!_**

 ** _RJRMovieFan: Thank you! You are right about the closure of the story it's still pretty up in the air. Hope the reason in next chapter is ok with you as well :)_**

 ** _realMEBadass: thank you very much :)_**

 ** _vahnuene: get read… next chapter! Haha but as for the endgame I still am deciding. We will see what happens._**

 ** _redditgirl: Thank you and I will try to do this justice! :)_**

 **Now on with the show…**

"What did you say to her Chloe?" Aubrey said after Emily had walked off. Emily though hesitant at first, did seem to understand that I should have a chance to explain myself. She at least understood me. It's not like Aubrey didn't, it's just that Emily and I are very similar in character and she must have heard the desperation in my voice.

"Aubrey I didn't say anything. I just wanted Emily to not judge me like everyone else has. I want Emily to understand that I know what I did but I had to do it."

"You know Emily will tell her. She will tell Beca that she saw you and she will tell her that you guys talked." I sigh and put my head back on the couch. It's not like I intentionally did it so maybe Emily could tell her. **But this could lead to something Chloe.** I pull my head back up and see Aubrey eyeing me. "You did it on purpose, didn't you?" Aubrey says with her arms crossed, standing in from of me. Her piercing stare is enough to make me look down and fidget with my hands.

"Aubrey, no. I mean, I didn't tell her to do anything. Matter of fact I told her not to tell Beca we saw each other." I say shrugging.

"And we both know how terrible Emily is at secrets Chloe! Listen Chloe…" She takes a seat next to me and grabs my hand. "Chloe, I know you want your chance. A chance that you had long ago…" I look at her and my vision blurs. **Jesus Chloe can you not cry for like 5 seconds.** "But I know, that you know, Emily is a path to get Beca to talk to you. And as much as I want Beca to talk to you, you can't do this. Who knows what kind of mood Beca is in, and if Emily even mentions you I am sure it will not be a good time. Hell Chloe, I tried a couple of weeks ago to suggest calling you, and she was in a great mood by the way, and she lost her shit. Literally, she about exploded." I blink the tears away. I look at Aubrey and see worry in her face. I know I should have known better, but I in no way did it intentionally.

"I know Aubrey, I know how Beca is. And believe me in the moment I just wanted to tell Emily that I didn't do anything without knowing what I was doing. It was a bit after I realized that this would get to Beca and maybe that wasn't a bad thing. God I just want this all to end." Pulling my whole body to lay on the couch, Aubrey nods.

"You know, Beca say something interesting when I suggested calling you…" I pick up my head and search through Aubrey's eyes.

"Yea and what was that?"

"She said something about you not loving her…" Aubrey eyes have now changed to a glare that pierced my soul. I quickly get up. **She told her?**

"Is that so?" I say trying to buy some time.

"Quit the crap Chloe. You said that to her?"

"Look Aubrey, you have to understand that I had to do what I had to do."

"And that is?"

"There was only one way to get Beca to hate me Aubrey, hate me enough to leave me. Which didn't work the first couple of months may I remind you."

"And you did it by lying?" Aubrey whispers out. I am avoiding all eye contact because I hate talking about it. "See I tired talking to her about it but I saw the panic in her eyes and she shut me out." She shakes her head.

"I had to lie."

"And I thought you were a terrible liar." I shrug. "Apparently you did a damn good job of saying you didn't love her." I slightly wince because her tone was sharp and harsh, and I couldn't blame her. **Great acting Chloe.**

"Aubrey that day I was at rock bottom and it happened in a matter of hours." I have tears slipping down my face. "That day did a 180. I just… It wasn't true, most of the things I said… I just had to leave…" The tears are dripping down my face and I look at Aubrey and see she is crying too. "I want to tell you Aubrey I do but I have made a commitment to myself to not do this until I speak with Beca." I am trembling all over. I never understood why I made this more difficult than it needed to be. I mean I could have easily told Aubrey why I did it, and she could have coaxed Beca into showing me mercy. **I really could have.** But now I see that the individual damaged I did, that harm I caused to someone I loved most in this world, was something that needed to be addressed face to face. Looking her in the eye and admitting the flaws I have, the flaws that left her broken, was something that needed to happen.

"I know Chloe, I know I just… It shocked me and I couldn't believe you said that. I am sorry if I seemed…"

"No Aubrey I know. I am not excusing anything I just…" Aubrey has now knelt down in front of me. She is busy removing the hair from my face and pushing it behind my ears. She wipes the trial of tears. "You know, we were so happy that day in the morning… We had an incredible night before and that morning we were still feeling it…

 _I feel heat. Heat all over my body. Not like suffocating heat but comfortable heat. I slowly pry my eyes open. Beca has half her body on me and the other half off the bed._ ** _I must have made my way over to her side._** _I giggle at the sight and realize I shouldn't have because I'll wake her up. I shift under her to go to the kitchen to make her breakfast. As I try to wiggle my way out Beca speaks._

 _"You know, if you leave I'll end up falling completely off the bed silly." Her voice is groggy. That's when I realize she is clinging to me._ ** _No wonder I couldn't get out._** _I chuckle._

 _"Well that would be funny so let me just…" In a matter of seconds Beca tugs on me and catches me off guard and we fall over and I body slam on top of her._

 _"OWWWWW!" I lift my head and rub it._

 _"Beca what the hell?! Are you ok?" I check if I hurt her._

 _"I thought you would have resisted at least Beale." She rubs her forehead._

 _"Well I didn't think you'd do that dummy." She laughs and though I am still laying on top of her, I am supporting my weight with me left arm and have it near her face, I look her over and smile._

 _"Well since you don't think me breathing is important, you might as well smother me with a pillow." She smirks and I raise an eyebrow._

 _"Are you saying I am heavy?" I challenge her._

 _"Not at all but with the way you're laying, you have managed to make breathing hard, and no Beale it's not just because you are breathtaking…" She winks._

 _"Damn you are smooth Mitchell."_

 _"Just for you baby." I smirk and lean down to give her a kiss. I sigh into the kiss and Beca wraps her arms around me. She slightly pulls back. "As much as I love kissing you, and you know I do, can you like not?" I give her a confused look. "I mean… Morning breath Chloe…" She says it like its obvious. I laugh. I lean in closer and she widens her eyes._

 _"Weeeellllllllll hhhaaaavvvvvveeeee sommmeee morrreeee ooooffff myyyyyy moooorrrrrniiingggg brrreaaaaathhhh." I huff out in her face as she screams and squirms._

 _"GROSSSSSS CHLOE! STOP YOU FREAK!" I roll off her and laugh. She gets up and runs into the bathroom. "You are so weird!" She yells from the bathroom._

 _"Thanks!" I shout back and get up to get dressed._

 _I make my way downstairs and smell the coffee. Beca was scrolling through her phone while drinking her coffee._

 _"Anything interesting?" I ask and pour myself a cup._

 _"No just meetings." She says lifting her head. "What about you, have anything interesting today?"_

 _"Not really just going to the set to rehearse some stuff you know." I say and turn to sit next to her at the table._

 _"How will it be seeing Tom there?" Beca asks. She knows that Tom got a small part in this show and I was indifferent about it._

 _"I think it will be fine. I mean we didn't end bad or anything but I think we can be civil." I reach over and run my hand up and down her right forearms that lays on the table._

 _"Well if you need anything tell me please, I'll be over to kick his ass in a heartbeat." She leans over and plants a kiss on my forehead. She pulls away and I give her a smile._

 _"I doubt that will be necessary but I am glad my knight and shinning armor will be on call." I smirk._

 _"Anything for you baby." She says getting up to put her cup in the sink. Grabbing her keys and bag she come back and pulls me up. She gives me one more long kiss. She pulls away and grabs my left hand to bring it up to her lips to kiss my ring finger. "I will see you later tonight Chloe…"_

Suddenly the front door bursts open. We both snap our attention to the entrance of the living room to see who ran through. It was Stacie and she had an unreadable look. Aubrey was by her side in a second.

"Baby what wrong?" Aubrey said pulling her into her arms. Stacie didn't answer but instead wrapped Aubrey tighter and buried her head into her neck. They held each other and I felt like I was intruding. After several moments Stacie spoke. Or more like mumbled into Aubrey's neck. "Baby I can't hear you. Please tell me what is wrong." Stacie finally picked her head up and rested against Aubrey's shoulder.

"I talked to Beca." Immediately I tense and Aubrey pulled away and looked at me. Stacie looked at me too and gave me a slight smile. "Hey Chloe."

"Hey Stace…" I fidget standing up. "Maybe I should go." I began to make my way when Stacie stops me.

"No stay Chloe." Stacie says plopping down on in the recliner. "Look, just to make this clear. I understand you and feel comfortable around you, sort of, but I talked to her for her mostly. Not that she saw it that way anyway…" I brought her hands up to her face.

"What did you say to her babe?" Aubrey said as she went next to Stacie and crouched next to her rubbing her head. Stacie leaned in to her touch.

"I was hesitant of course because I knew what her reaction would be. I basically went into her studio and told her that in order for her to heal, to get better, she had to do talk to you." Stacie groaned. And that groan wasn't leading to her saying that Beca wanted to talk. "She blew up on me and it was worse because I guess she had some fight with Emily a few hours earlier." I widen my eyes and look towards Aubrey once again. " I know you talked to Emily, Chloe. And though Beca thinks you somehow persuaded Emily to tell her to talk to you, I know that Emily wants Beca to heal, not just as her girlfriend but as a friend." Searching her eyes she stares back at me. "Whether Beca wants to believe or not, but I know why she was drawn to Emily."

"Stacie what do you mean?" Aubrey said completely clueless.

"Come on Bree, Emily is a brunette version of Chloe. With some slight differences but almost the same. Though Emily can't always make Beca break the way Chloe did." Stacie nods towards me. Gathering this information I see that Aubrey slight nods accepting that this is in fact true. I shift again because at the undeniable truth that I could do that to Beca. "Though Emily does a pretty damn god job sometimes." Stacie slightly smiles but turns back into my direction. "My point is that Emily couldn't get to her, and Beca won't listen to us. What she told me about what she was going to do was she was going to do nothing and ignore it. Which she is good at but the sudden outburst when we confront her on the subject of you, says otherwise." Aubrey gets back up and paces the floor once again.

"Well what do you suggest we do?" Aubrey says as she paces.

"I have no clue, only because I thought Emily would push her closer to breaking but she couldn't. Not earlier anyway." Knocking at the door can be heard and we all look at each other.

"What if it is Beca?" I whisper out.

"No I doubt it is, she has keys and would have walked in. Let me get that." Aubrey says walking fast to the door. And she is greeting someone at the door. "Beca said she was coming here?" The voices are getting closer and they turn the corner.

Normally this many Bellas in the room, actually 2 would suffice, would call for celebration. But considering the circumstance no one was in any mood to celebrate. In this room 4 Bellas stood. **Is it hot in here? Because my palms are sweating.**

"Hey guys." Emily sighs out. She seems out of it, not in any mood really.

"What wrong Emily?" I ask stepping closer on instinct.

"I just had a fight with Beca… About you…" One of the differences between Emily and Chloe was Emily's awkward train of statements. It seems like everyone shifts at the awkward admission. "Wait that sounded bad…"

"No Emily it didn't, I am so sorry about all of this. And you too Stacie I am sorry about all of this." I say with a defeated tone. Because of my mere presence they have fought with Beca, and that is something that I can't handle. "Look I should leave, I mean Beca will get here soon, that's what I think you said Aubrey, so it would be better to not keep ruining everyones day."

"No Chloe. This all has to stop, seriously guys." Aubrey says standing near me and squeezing my shoulder. "We all want Beca to get better. Whichever side we are on, we all want Beca to come back."

"Well what should we do?" Stacie says crossing her arms and staring intently.

"Yea I mean she shut me out. She was pretty mad earlier." Emily said.

"She won't willing want to see me you guys know that." I say. We all gaze from one person to the next and Aubrey is still pacing the floor. She stops after a few moments of silence.

"What if we did like an intervention type thing?"

"What?" Emily says.

"You mean like ambush her to talk to me alone?" I say because if theres anything Beca hates the most is to be blidnsided. **You would know right Chloe.** I shake my head at the thought.

"Well no offense Chloe but no matter what she won't talk to you alone even if we force her into this room." Stacie says.

"Yea she will sit there and ignore you." Emily adds. And I nod because of course she would.

"But what if we were all here? You know, all the people she trusted this whole time." Aubrey says.

"Like she gets her and we are sitting here and make her talk?"

"Well yea basically. I think if she feels the strength from the people that gave it to her when she needed it, it would make it easier for her to talk to you Chloe."

"Let me call Jesse…" Stacie says running into the kitchen.

"Wait guys, we are talking about blindsiding Beca right? I mean this is Beca." Emily says.

"Yea I agree maybe this isn't a good idea." I say because the panic is rising within me.

"Guys this is the only thing we have left, so we have to try. We all love Beca right?" Emily and I nod our heads. And Aubrey sighs. "I mean this isn't the best idea but this is all we have."

"Ok Jesse said he was on his way." Stacie says putting her phone back in her pocket. We all discuss what and how we should present this to Beca. We come to the conclusion that Stacie and Emily should walk her in and Jesse to make her feel like she has someone beside her. Aubrey agreed to stay by my side even though I protested. She said that she was technically on no ones side but that she was going to be there for me because I needed it.

"I will forever be grateful for helping me when I have no right to it." I say giving her hand a squeeze.

"Chloe we all make mistakes in this life, some more damaging than others, but there is always good in us. I know Chloe, I understand and I still believe you are filled with nothing but love. You have always put others before you and I think that is what you did in this case." I smile at her and thank her once again. I did this because I love Beca, it was indeed a weird way of showing it, but I did it because the person I love the most life was and still is the most important thing to me. Stacie calls Aubrey over with Jesse's arrival and they head into the kitchen. I sit and watch Emily stare out the window. She is worried, I can see that brain of her's going into overdrive. I stand up and walk over to her and stand to her.

"The more you keep thinking, it'll cause your brain to over heat you know." I say quietly and she is startled.

"You scared me." She says turning her attention back to the window. I see uncertainty draped all over her face.

"Sorry. But seriously what's wrong Emily?" The naturing side of me is taking over.

"It's just all this and Beca has yet to call me back. I told Stacie and Aubrey and they called her too but got no answer."

"I am sure she just went to let off some steam. From what I heard she had quite a day."

"Yea I guess so." Her eyebrows are still knitted and she is bitting on her thumbnail.

"I'm sorry Emily. For all of this, I know that this put's you in a weird position." She looks at me and tilts her head to the side.

"I mean not necessarily. This whole 'intervention' type thing does, but the general idea of it doesn't. Jesus did that even make sense?" **Rambling, something that Beca has left with her.**

"Yea but it can't be easy Emily." She thinks for a moment before she speaks.

"You know, we all admired you guys." She turns her head back to the window. I look at her and wait for her to continue. "We all looked at you both and saw love. We saw warmth, compassion, but especially love." She looks back at me and I see a hint of a glassiness. "We wanted something like that. The girls used to call it the 'it' trait. Stupid I know but we all saw 'it'. We all saw how Beca would stare at you with just some much love and how your eyes glistened when you looked at her. You guys were the one's that gave us hope. Hope that someday we could obtain that beautiful feeling." A tear falls down her cheek and I lift my hand to wipe it away. "I won't lie to you Chloe, and I am pretty sure you know, but I've always had this thing for Beca." **I knew it!** "I always had this crush that was pretty self explanatory to everyone except Beca obviously. " I chuckled and she smiles. **Of course Beca was always oblivious**. "But when I saw you guys together, I saw a forever. Something that was just so beautiful that meant this was meant to be. My crush was thrown into the abyss because you guys were so happy. I loved everything about you guys, so you can imagine my surprise when I got word of what happened." Now it's my turn to stare into the window. She lays her hand on my shoulder. "I couldn't believe it Chloe, no one could. I was certain that there must have been a misunderstanding anything because what you guys had, it wasn't supposed to end. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Especially if it was caused by you." I look back at her and she is looking into my eyes. A stare that captivated me.

"I know, I know…" She holds up her hand and leads me to see that she wasn't done.

"I know how much she loved you, how much in a way she still loves you. I can see it in her eyes when I mention you. I don't know if she will ever let you go Chloe, but the reason this doesn't put me in a weird position is because you both need this. I will always be thinking of how to help and this is the only way to help. This need to be done. No matter the outcome Chloe, I will do anything to fix this broken relationship." I stare at her wide eyed. **No matter the outcome?**

"Whoa Emily I don't except Beca to come back to me." Realization hits me. **No I really don't expect that.** "What I want to accomplish is to fix my mistakes, fix the bridges with the people that matter the most to me and get them back into my life."

"Yea I know, but if something else happens I wouldn't stop it." We stare into each others eyes and I see that she is telling the truth.

"She wouldn't do that to you…" I whisper.

"I'm just prepared is all." She shrugs and I pull her into a hug.

"Well I wouldn't let that happen." I say into her ear and she further relaxes into my hug. I pull back and brush the hair from her face. "She loves you. I see it in the pictures."

"I don't think…"

"She does whether she will let her self believe it is something different. Do you ever fell that when she looks at you you are just frozen in pure happiness, or that in that moment anything could happen and you would be the happiest person alive?"

"Sometimes…" She shyly admits. I sit there and think.

"Love is love, Emily. I can't tell you what kind but love is there." She smiles.

"I missed you Chloe."

"I missed you too."

I am sitting on the couch when I hear the door open. I hear a distinct " HEY GUYS!" and it's time. I realize I am shivering and Emily, Jesse, and Stacie have gone to the front door.

"Are you ok?" Aubrey says grabbing my hand. I shake my head.

"Maybe this isn't such a great idea Aubrey." She turns my head towards her.

"It's going to be fine. We are all here. I am here with you ok?" I nod and we sit patiently as we hear them approach the door.

"Whats going on?" I hear Beca say…

 _"Hey…" I say smiling as Beca open's our front door. I am holding flowers in one hand and a glass of wine in the other._

 _"Hey… Chloe…" She says suspiciously. She drop her keys on the table and her bag on the floor. She leans in to give me a kiss and grabs the glass of wine. "Whatchu doing?"_

 _"Happy birthday." I say stepping closer and undetected, I blind fold her._

 _"Whoa Chloe that's kinky…" She smirks. I laugh and slap her arm._

 _"OW!"_

 _"Oh shut it Beca."_

 _"You know how much I hate surprises." She says as I guide her to our living room, she groans, causing me to giggle._

 _"Can you like zip it for five seconds?" She hold her hands up in surrender. I place her in the middle of the room and back away from her. Stacie, Aubrey, Jesse, and several other friends surround her for a surprise party. She senses the uncomfortable silence and speaks once again._

 _"What's going on?"_

I snap out of the memory and realize where I am again. Beca is as pale as a sheet. She looks exhausted. She's leaning against Stacie and we have locked into each others gaze. Her eyes began to change. What once was filled with pure fear is now changing to what looks like anger. She yanks her hands from them.

"You guys are something else…" She's backing away. Emily see's that and tries to make her way to Beca but is stopped. Emily is in panic. Everyone's eyes are on Beca. "You guys ambush me like this, like I am the one that did something bad. Like I am the one who caused this. And you bring her… You bring her and except what huh?" My heart is further down in my stomach. She's scared and lost and I can't do anything. I am paralyzed in my seat. I feel gazes here and there shift towards me but we all look back at Beca. She is fuming. She nods her head in understanding and speaks one last time. "Fuck you guys. And especially FUCK you." I flinch at the power of that last 'fuck you'. And with that she turns her back and walks away.

I am still in shock when Emily says she will talk to her and we wait. **Just leave Chloe, just get up and leave.** I stare at Aubrey and grab her hand directing her gaze to me.

"Maybe I really should leave."

"No Chloe…"

"No you won't run away this time." Stacie says turning my attention away from Chloe.

"Stacie come on…"

"No Chloe I wont let you."

"I am not running. I have ruined this day enough Stacie. Don't you see?"

"No Chloe. Don't you see that this needs to happen? If you get up and leave we scared her for nothing. We trapped her for nothing. The purpose is to fix the damage not cause more of it."

"How do you know this won't do more damage Stacie? How do you know that this just won't ruin everything?" My biggest fear is this ruining it further of everyone.

"I don't, but I do know that this has to be done. This has to be done because no one will sit and say what if. Everyone needs closure because you guys still care. No one can continue with their life if they won't let go." I shake my head. "Chloe I know this is hard, but we are here for both of you. Not just Beca, we are here for you too." I look up and see the sincerity of the other three.

"Thank you." I whisper out and everyone nods. We sit and wait till Emily and Beca return. **Look Chloe, if Beca doesn't forgive you, you have semi gained 4 old friend back.** Positivity. That is something I have been working on. I make a promise that if things don't go the way I planned that I will still do everything in my power to fix the bridges with my friends.

Emily walks back into the room and Beca follows. Emily goes to sit on the couch and begins to make room. Beca is standing near the door, determination on her face. I look at Emily, who looks back her.

"Oh I won't be sitting." I look at Beca and she is smirking. "So the CHLOE BEALE wants to talk huh?! Some anniversary present wouldn't you say?" I look at everyone and notice the shift in the atmosphere. I look down because I feel the intensity of her anger seep into my body. "That's why you are here right? SO let's fucking talk." I have to find all the courage in the world because I can tell this time Beca is going to put up a fight this time, and it's not going to be pretty.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey Everyone! So I sincerely apologize for such a long wait. I knew the direction of this and where I wanted it to go but I had many doubts about it and I had to write and re-write several parts. Also hopefully you understand the reasoning for Chloe, I know that sometimes it may not be a good enough reason for others but we never really know internal battles people have and how they feel. I think one more chapter and this will be complete. Or I can end it here only because I am not sure what else I would add. So with that any suggestions are welcomed. I updated the Bandit as well. As always I do not own PP or anything other quotes from movies you find here. Some may be coincidental, others are on purpose. This next bit is some reviews I got.**

 _realMEBadass: Thank you hopefully you like this chapter :)_

 _Attombombb: So I don't want to spoil anything because this is at the beginning of the story but let me know what you think after everything._

 _JJnovak: Hopefully this was worth the wait! :)_

 _Fan (guest): Yes so it is hard to forgive someone who has hurt you so hopefully the story fills in those gaps and you can understand Beca's decision in the end._

 _Bossofall: SO sorry for the wait I got your PMs and I wanted to be ok with this chapter before I posted it. Sorry again!_

 ** _***_** **Another note! P.S.: There will be both view points in here and the line break indicates those points of view changing. Also remember italics are memories and I thought it was be cool to have the memories tell the story, so hopefully that makes sense. Ok now I think that is officially it. Hopefully I didn't forget anything.**

 **Now on with the show…**

There was a total of three times in my life when I felt courage. Courage to say what I feel at the time and do something without hesitation. Coincidently this feeling always seemed be with Chloe. The first time it happened, it was when Chloe and I were first dating. We went to a late dinner and I had gotten up to use the restroom. After I came back, I stopped at the bar to grab a couple of drinks and then made my way back to our table. From the distance I saw some woman talking to Chloe, rather close. In short, when I got closer the woman tried to put a move on Chloe and I was there in double time. I made a scene, of course, and we got kicked out. Chloe laughed about it all night. The second time a cameraman had been pestering us until he decided to say something not to my liking to Chloe. It stopped me dead in my tracks and Chloe was able to hold me back but that did not stop my mouth. Now the third time was standing here in front of Chloe but she was on the receiving end this time. I have five pairs of eyes on me and they flicked back to Chloe, who sat there almost sinking into her seat.

"Oh come now, that's why you are here right? That's why you decided to gather everyone tonight right?" **Fuck I'm sweating already.** Her head is down and it seems as though she is trembling.

"First of all this wasn't her idea Beca." Says Aubrey with her hand on Chloe knee. I look at her and she stares back at me.

"Are you sure about that?" I challenge. "Are you sure, because how is it that in the same day Emily and Stacie seem to be on the same page about seeing her? About letting her explain?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, we are here now." Stacie says grabbing my attention. "We are here to help you let go Beca. I don't care that you don't like it, what I care about is getting everyone better." I cross my arms and shrug. They knew how much I wanted to avoid this, but in the back of my mind I know how this needed to be over.

"So where should we start…?" Jesse said

"Well if anything, lets start off at the beginning! Am I right? Let's see how this all fucking started and we will see why I am the way I am!" At this point all the rage inside me is causing me to lash out. **Relax Beca.** All eye's went to Chloe. She wiped her nose and cleared her throat.

"Well-I… That day started like any normal day. We had the best night before having fun at Beca's studio party, so we were still feeling pretty giddy in the morning. So-uh that day I just had to go in for a rehearsal that was it. And well I…"

"And by that afternoon she was fucking gone." My eyes are still trying to catch her gaze and my voice breaks. **So much for keeping up the strong front.** "She uh…" I close my eyes because I can see it. I can see that day all over again. I shake my head. I place my arms on the back of the couch to hold my self up. "I came home, a bit later than I normally do. And I walked in and set my keys on the same table like I always have… I am looking for her. I am looking for Chloe because she hasn't texted me all day nor had she told me when she was done." I can't help the flashes that pop into my head.

 _"Chloe?" Nothing. " Chloe are you here?" The house was quiet._ ** _Chloe must not be here._** _Leaving my bag by the door, I take off my coat and hang it. I take off my shoes and leave them by the door. I walk further into the house passing the living room, then something catches my eye. I stop and walk backwards to whatever I saw in the living room. There Chloe sits, with her head down. "Babe what's wrong?" I say approaching her, and I am about to take her into my arms and she looks at me. Her eyes have always been my favorite thing about her. The way they shined. I could look into those eyes and feel like nothing else in this world matter. That beautiful sea blue color that made me feel warm and happy. Even when she was upset she had life in them. But now her eyes didn't sparkle, instead they looked foreign. They looked lost and I stopped in my attempts to grab her. "Chloe what's wrong?"_

 _"Beca I am going to leave."_

"Do you remember any of that day Chloe?" I ask finally opening my eyes still with the image in my head. She doesn't move. Her head is still down. "Do you?"

"Yes, I do."

"Look at me." I don't care who is present but the fact that she hasn't looked at me since we started this is setting me more off the edge. She still doesn't move. "Look at me!" Nothing. Instead I feel eyes on me and I think I see Emily shift uncomfortably. Jesse has his hand over his mouth staring intently at me. Stacie is biting her thumbnail, her eyes threatening tears. Aubrey has tears running down her cheeks as she looks from me to Chloe. Even though Chloe's head is down, I see tears have fallen staining her pants. "Fucking look at me Chloe!" I say for the last time as I punch the sofa. She slowly lifts her gaze and I see them. I see those eyes. They have harden over the past months. I can see the hurt in them. She stares back at me and I feel overwhelmed.

"Chloe sat there that day, just like she is now." **Hold it together Beca.** "But only that time her eyes were different. Normally I would look into her eyes to see where her head was at. But that day when she looked at me, I didn't see my Chloe." I can feel the tears running down my face. "And as I look now, I don't know what I see. I see Chloe but a different Chloe." I run my hands through my hair and clear my throat. "So I'm looking at her and I know something is wrong and she just said that she was leaving…" I see the image again.

 _"Leaving? Leaving where?" I say still captivated by the stare I was receiving. Chloe looks back down at her hands and plays with her thumb ring._

 _"No Beca I am leaving." She says without looking up._

 _"Yea I got that Chloe." I say looking at her bags packed. "Let me just get some things ready and we can leave." I say turning around to run up to our room._

 _"No Beca…" And it's how quiet her voice is that get's me to turn around. She lifts her gaze. "I. AM. LEAVING." It's the way she says it that starts the worry that exists, to sink deeper._

 _"Wait so where are you going? When will you be coming back?" Crossing my arms I stand in my spot. She leans her head against her hand that is propped on the arm of the sofa. "Chloe when will you be coming back?" I ask again because she seems lost in her own world._

 _"Beca I …." She brushes her hair behind both of her ears but she stops talking. I peer into her face and can swear that I see her eyes glaze._

 _"Baby will you just tell me what is going on?" I say now kneeling in front of her grabbing her hands. And she looks at me, she looks at me with absolute fear. The glaze that I saw is not there anymore._

 _"Beca I am leaving you."_

 _"Whoa what Chloe?"_

 _"I said I am leaving you."_

 _"Chloe what? Where is this coming from…" She starts to get up. "Chloe you are not thinking straight. Talk to me Chloe."_

 _"I have to go." And she is grabbing her bag and walking away. I get up and grab her wrist to turn her around._

 _"Chloe stop this. Let's talk about this. We can go into…"_

 _"No I said I was leaving you Beca…"_

 _"Chloe what did I do? Whatever it is I can fix it. We can talk about whatever…"_

 _"Don't you get it Beca?" Chloe said her forehead wrinkled from frustration._

 _"Get what?" I hear my voice and I sound lost._

 _"I am leaving because…" Her eyes show hesitation._ ** _There's my Chloe…_** _"I-just I don't love you." My mind shuts off._ ** _Did I hear that correctly?_**

 _"I am sorry, what…?"_

 _"I don't love you Beca." She turns back around leaving me standing there, lost._

 _"CHLOE! DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME!" I hear the front door open. "CHLOE!"_

"And just like that she was gone." Shaking my head I lean against the wall with tears streaming down my face. "She fucking left me! Just like that!" I say screaming because of all the emotions that are raging through my body. There are tears everywhere but all I can see is Chloe. She's sitting there with her face in her hands. "Like it was nothing. Chloe got up and left. Didn't shed one fucking tear." I can see her shaking.

"Stop…" She whispers but I keep going on.

"Goes to show that maybe she didn't care about me at all." She starts to shake her head.

"Stop it."

"She didn't love me at all…"

* * *

"STOP IT!" I scream. My head is throbbing. As Beca told the story of what happened that day, I feel my insides churring. I felt like I was there all over again and I couldn't look at her. The pain I see Beca in hurts me all over. I remove my hands from my face and see everyone staring at me. I feel Aubrey's hand on my knee but my stare has landed on Beca. She's glaring, her face all red and tear stained. She looks exhausted and shocked at my outburst. **Now is your chance Chloe.**

"So she speaks?" Beca says full glare on. "So tell them Chloe… Tell them how you just left me like I didn't matter, how you didn't love me at all. Tell them!"

"It's not true!" I say looking her right in the eyes.

"Dont you lie…"

"I am not…"

"I said don't lie to me!" Beca said throwing her hands at her sides. "Don't you dare lie to me…" I flinch at the hard truth. Beca said this at a whisper as she placed a hand over her mouth holding in a sob.

"I am not lying to you. Not this time." I take a deep breath and let it out. "Do you know how hard it was?"

Beca scoffed.

"Seemed easy enough." I shake my head knowing that this was going to be battle.

"It wasn't I…"

"You went to Tom easy enough." Beca deadpanned.

"Because he knew why I left, he knew why I had just turned around and left." My breathing is becoming more and more rapid with every sentence. "He knew how I was feeling and what place I was in…"

"And I didn't Chloe?! As your fucking girlfriend, I didn't know what place…"

"No Beca you didn't OK!" A small weight left off my shoulder. "All you could say was how perfect of a girlfriend I was." I place my hand on my hip, another small weight left.

"You were perf…"

"No damn it I wasn't!" There goes another weight. Admitting that out loud made the constriction that existed in my chest for so long, leave. It made the room fall into a deafening silence. "I had internal breakdowns all the time and I tried, I fucking tried to hold myself together." Another weight.

"Stop lying Chloe!" Beca interrupts hitting the wall. "Stop with the fucking lies!"

"Damn it Beca I am not lying!" Raising my voice a little more. Beca has her death glare on and I am not going to back down.

"Funny how now you are not lying, now when you don't have any one's feelings at stake except your own." Dread fills my body. "Funny how now when YOU want to explain yourself you're not lying, but when I wanted an explanation, you lied right to my FUCKING face!"

"Beca I know that…"

"Can you just shut up for a fucking minute. Just…" Throwing up her hands. "Shut up Chloe and tell me the fucking truth."

"I am this time."

"I don't want to believe you Chloe, because fuck you. Fuck you because no matter what you say I doubt I'll believe you." I cross my hands in front of my chest.

"Well you are going to listen because I get this chance to try and fix everything I have done to you. Try and fix everything that I did wrong in my life."

"Oh so I was the wrong in your life huh? That makes totally fucking sense."

"JESUS CHRIST Beca! You know what I meant. You were the best thing in my life and I messed that up. I am trying to give everything I have to offer because…" Beca has her mouth in a thing as her tongue passes over her front teeth. "…now I know what I have to offer." Theres a silence that seems to increase the claustrophobic sense in the room.

"What are you talking about Chloe?" Aubrey says. The first to speak this whole time. Confusion spread on her face and Beca's.

"All you guys see is how happy I was right?" I hold my hands out. "I tried so hard to show you guys that that was what I was made up of. I didn't want anyone to feel the way I felt so I made it part of my life to make other people happy. And for a while it did make me happy. Those days that I just couldn't get out of my head, all the negative things I could think of, I would think about how many people I helped and it made me happy." I feel like I can breath a bit better. "So I felt I had to be happy all the time, I had to hold myself together all the time because I knew if I didn't I couldn't be 'Chloe'." I run my hands up and down my thighs. **My hands are so sweaty.** "The happy vibe made others not so worried about there problems it helped them out. Then one day it didn't make me happy anymore and instead what made me happy was you." I prop my elbows on my thighs and place my hands at the side of my head. "Every minute I spent with you made me happy Beca, so that covered it up. Though at the time, I didn't know that that is what it did." There are fresh tears running down her face. "It was a couple months before I left, when I felt that part of myself resurface, that part I tried to bury down deep." I felt tears run down my cheek. "And no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried Beca, I wasn't able to hold it together."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Aubrey said though my attention was still on Beca.

"Because I needed someone who wasn't biased. Someone who didn't have a certain image of me. You guys always saw the happy side of me, so had I told you, you guys would have said it was nothing or that it was going to pass."

"You could have told me Chloe." Beca says looking stern.

"I couldn't Beca. I couldn't because I made sure that no one knew what I tried so hard to hide." I wipe away the tears. "As time went on it only got worse. I had lies thrown out about me, and I started to believe them which was made it worse." I fidget in my seat. "Imagine people saying that I was nothing. That I would be nothing without you Beca. That everything I got was because I was connected to you." My breathing starts to become uneven. "And every night you made me happy and I began to think how unfair it was that you were the one that was making me happy instead of me doing that. I had to be the one doing that." I close my eyes. "So that day I ran into Tom. And for a long time I thought Tom was never good enough for me. So many people told me that I could have done better." More tears escaping from me but I feel lighter. "But that day he made me realize that in fact I was just like him."

"Chloe…" Beca started.

"I am just…"

"You are not like him." Aubrey said.

"But I am!" I sigh out. "See you guys think you know me but you don't. I am just like him and that day everything fell apart and I realized that someone like me couldn't hold you back anymore Beca. It was you I wanted to save. It was you that I had to protect because on instinct that's what I had to do. No matter how much I loved you, I knew that I would cause more harm than good." Now my tears are flowing, my vision non existent. "And I knew how to get you to let me go and I did it." I start to clear up the tears and see that Beca has her hands in her hair, shaking her head. "I did what I thought was best at the time. I did it because if I couldn't stand myself, if I couldn't accept myself, how could I let you accept something you didn't know about?" I am pleading for her to understand. Beca started pacing the floor. I wait for her to say something. Anything to what I have just shared.

"So you thought it was your right to decide?" And I am stunned, I don't know what to say.

"I did…"

"You thought you could decide for the both of us?"

"Beca I did what was best for the both of us."

"Well what I about me Chloe? I didn't get to have a say?" **She has a point you know.** "I didn't get a fucking chance in this?"

"No Beca, I did this because I had to fix what was wrong with me. I had to help you be happy because with me you wouldn't have."

"What about me Chloe? I could have understood, tried too at least. You didn't even give me a chance." Beca chokes at these words. I shake my head because I know that in my heart they wouldn't have understood. They say that, but they would have thought this was nothing. They would have thought this could be fixed.

"Beca I spent the majority of my life trying to make this go away. I spent all my time hiding this because I didn't like it." I find my strength now and stand up. "No one saw past it, so I did a pretty damn good job, if you ask me." I sigh and shake my head. "And when I couldn't control it anymore, when I couldn't ignore the comments, I shut down. I wasn't good at pushing it away, dealing with it internally anymore." I shrug and feel the weight that I carried around for so many years, vanish.

"But we were in this together Chloe. We were together and you knew how much I loved you. Yet you told me that you didn't love me…"

"Do you know how hard it was to just leave you by lying to you? You think I lied throughout our whole relationship about loving you, but the one thing I lied about was saying that I didn't love you." I see her and she has her gazed locked right on me. "I thought of anything I could think of, but when it came down to it I knew that was the only way to get you to hate me."

"Yet I tried my hardest to get you to talk to me afterwards."

"Yes and that is when I realized that Tom was my key. Tom knew what it was like to feel how I was feeling, so I thought being seen with me could push you away further. And well it did…" She sighs and continues her pacing.

 _Shutting the door, I take a look into the house. After she screamed my name, Beca stands there in place. She has a baffled look on her face and for a second I think she might run after me. Instead she begins pacing the floor. I turn around and walk to my car, shoving my luggage into the backseat. With one last look, I see Beca sink onto the floor. My Beca sinking on to the floor wrapping her arms around her self and sobbing. The tears I held in that whole time escape me like a broken dam._ ** _What have I done? What did I just do?_** _I start punching the steering wheel._ ** _You have just the best thing that has happened to you go Beale. You are truly nothing now._** _I grip the side of my head and shake it._

"Even as I left, Beca, I knew the mistake I made but all I could think of is how I was nothing without you now. I knew that those thoughts were never going to go away unless I did something to fix it."

"But you didn't tell anyone? You never tried to explain yourself when anyone else asked you?"

"Yea and many times I tried to tell Aubrey, I really did." I look at Aubrey and she has her gaze fixed on me. "But I couldn't because if I did she would have said something to you and I had to fix what I did. I needed to do it because I am the one that caused the damage. I didn't want anyone to do it for me." Saying that out loud it sounded silly. It sounded stubborn. "I know that it sounds silly, but this is an obstacle that I set for myself when I agreed to get better."

All Beca could do was pace, that mind of hers in overdrive. I got everything that I wanted to say out. Now all I waited for was Beca. Aubrey had her eyes fixed on Beca. Stacie was gazing at me with her hand under her chin. Jesse was sitting there watching Beca too with his hands interlocked with each other. And Emily was sitting on the couch looking at her hands and the floor.

"I need some air." Beca said finally with her head down still pacing.

"Beca you aren't leaving." Stacie said.

"I am not I just…"

"Beca…"

"Jesus Christ! I am not the one you need to worry about leaving remember?" Beca snapped looking right at me and finally walking to the kitchen to reach the patio door. Emily looked up at me and got up and followed her.

* * *

Opening the door, the night breeze hits my face. It was a breath of fresh air because the constriction that started to become unbearable in the living room was overwhelming. **What a night this turned out to be huh?** All the unwanted baggage has been let out and it has me in a difficult place. Everything that Chloe revealed was eye opening. For so many years I thought I knew Chloe, thought I had finally figured her out everything made sense, up until the point she left. **But is that a good enough reason Beca? Is that a good enough reason on how she just broke you?** I shake my head because my head hurts from everything. Sitting on the patio I look up and see the stars. I take in the sight and close my eyes to soak it in.

 _"You know you staying out here with no jacket will cause you to get sick Beca." Opening my eyes I see Chloe sitting next to me in the grass, throwing a blanket over me._

 _"I just came out to see the stars is all." Chloe snuggles into my side._

 _"Anything interesting up there?" I nod and wrap my hand around her._

 _"It's just a beautiful sight you know" I say looking at her._

 _"But you aren't looking up?" Chloe says with a smirk and her eyes still looking up._

 _"I know." I say smiling._

The door opening causes my eyes to open. I don't bother looking behind me instead I have my gaze still on the sky. Emily takes a seat next to me and pulls me out of the sky. I look at her and she looks nervous. I think about everything that has happened and I know how hard this has been on everyone. She finally tilts her head to my direction and we lock our sights.

"Some night huh?" I say sarcastically. Emily shrugs and pulls her sweater close to her. I nudge her lightly because even though I am just not in a good mood, I hate seeing Emily out of it. She leans into me and sighs.

"Beca I know that this is not what you wanted, but how are you taking this?' Dread fills my body. **I just wanted to take a break.** I let out an exaggerated sigh.

"I don't know." I say flat out because I honesty have no idea. "Emily, I just don't know anymore... I spent so much time trying to just be mad at her, so long trying to just see red when she was mentioned... And now-now that she just comes out with all this personal shit.. I-just I can't..." My voice is cracking and I am trying so hard to hold in the sob that wants to escape.

"Beca this isn't your fault you know that right?" And I shake my head.

"How can it not be Emily? How can I not see that this is partially my fault... We were together for so long and I didn't see it. Maybe the signs were there I just wasn't paying attention..."

"No don't make this your fault Beca. Please don't..."

"But Emily think about it. She couldn't even trust in me to confide this. To let me in and see that she was not ok... I wasn't a good girlfriend or even friend." The tears will not stop flowing and the admission has me worse than before.

"When are you going to see Beca, that not everything bad that happens to you in this life is your fault?" Emily grabs my face and forces me too look. "Shit happens Beca and no one knows why it happens but it does. What Chloe is going through is something I can never imagine or begin to understand but she needed to reflect internally rather than have a judgement. Even if you would have given her a positive judgement, she needed to see it herself." Maybe Emily is right but some blame needs to be mine.

"I can barely look at her now Emily. To know that she went through that.. And alone might I add... That just crushes me." That is what is hurting me the most. "At first it crushed me too see that Chloe could have been held behind because of me and that is why she left. But now with all this... It hurts me more that she didn't have anyone by her side." Emily doesn't say anything but instead looks at me with a pleading look. She must understand how I can't just push this away. We sit there in silence and I revert my gaze to the stars once again. The at peace moment is something I felt only looking at two things. The first was the sky, looking at the stars had a way of bringing me peace. The second things was Chloe's eyes. But as of late, I have been getting an uneasy feeling looking eyes with Chloe. "You know, even in this predicament, looking at the sky brings me peace. Having you by my side makes me feel light weight even if it is for a moment." Emily snuggles in closer and lays her head on my shoulder.

"Beca just so you know, no matter what you do, decided or anything, just know that we will all be here. Every single one of us, we will always be here for you." I lean my head against her head.

"I know. I know you will."

* * *

Maybe it's the revelation or it's the fear that Beca will leave, but they whole room feels like a tiny closet. My heart won't slow down and my mind is racing. Stacie has gotten up and checks the window every few minutes to make sure Beca is still out there. Jesse has his head laid back against the couch. And Aubrey has been looking at me from the corner of her eye as she bites her lip. She's itching to talk to me.

"Chloe..." I look in her direction. She fidgets in her seat and I reach my hand over and place it on her hand. "Chloe I am so sorry." My heart constricts. I shake my head and give her hand a squeeze.

"Bree, it's ok. I am the one that should be sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you." I feel tears and I try so hard to hold them back.

"From now on Chloe, please know that I will always be here." Tears are slowly running down her face and that causes my tears to trickle down my cheek. I nod and she pulls me into a hug. After all this time I feel free, free from that black hole I was stuck in.

"Chloe I just wanted to sat that you are really brave." Stacie says stopping in place. "I want to say that I would have dealt with it differently but I don't know what you were feeling so I know its not true. I am sorry that you had to go through that." I send her a sincere smile. After this whole night, I can't deny that I feel relived. I feel like my life can soon start on it's path to being what I always wanted it to be. The last thing I need now is Beca. If not romantic then I will take her anyway I can. I hear the sliding door open and my stomach slightly drops. Stacie stops in her tracks and looks toward the entrance of the living room. Jesse straightens in his seat and Aubrey gives my hand one last squeeze.

Beca walks in pink in the face, probably from the air outside. She has her hand in Emily who walks behind her. Emily takes a seat , where she sat previously. Beca takes the empty spot next to her, right in front of me. Beca looks at Emily and Emily gives her a small smile and reaches her hand up and brushes Beca's hair behind her ear. Beca gives her a tiny smile and Emily gives her a light kiss. My heart constricts and I look away. **What is a matter with you Beale?** Aubrey notices and looks at me with what looks like pity. I can see out of the corner of my eye that they are leaning their foreheads together. I keep my eyes on Aubrey and it is like an internal understanding that she is looking at me so I don't have to look at them. I finally turn my head around and Beca has her gaze on me and has Emily's hand in her lap.

* * *

As I stare at Chloe, I notice that she has her hand in Aubrey's and I think I see her squeezing her hand. I feel Emily give my hand a light squeeze and on instinct I reach up and scratch my neck.

"So uh-..." I start to say and Chloe straightens.

"So... What are you thinking?" Chloe says. I clear my throat.

"Well do you promise to be honest with me?" I bluntly say. She nods. I look at Emily and she gives me a light nod.

"Have you taken care of yourself?" That's the first question that comes to mind. To know that she has gotten better. She furrow her eyebrows. "Do you feel better I mean?"

"Oh-well yes I do. I learned to focus on myself and have those feelings surface and learn how to deal with them. And after letting it all out I feel like I can breathe again." She's looking down.

"So what did you want to get out of this?"

"Well- I mean I wanted to explain myself to you and show you that I had my reasons on why and I guess if I am being honest I want to get out of this, whatever you want to give me." I look from Emily to Aubrey. "What I mean by this is you are huge part of my life Beca and I don't want my life without you." She looks at Emily. "I would never ask you to leave Emily. Never would I do that, she is so good for you." She is still looking at Emily. "I told Emily that at first I hated your happiness. I hated it because I wasn't the one doing it. All I did was cause pain, so I was jealous. But you look at Emily the same way you used to look at me. I have seen that look before so I know that Emily is the person for you right now. I can know say that your happiness causes me happiness and I would never jeopardize that again."

"I don't know how but it will take time. I'd be lying if I said I could cut you out completely because I tried and I can't." She nods her head wiping her tears.

"Thank you Beca, I know I don't deserve this..."

"Everyone deserves a second chance Chloe. Some are just harder to give out than others." Emily says stepping is a knowing vibe that passes through us. And my next question is probably the most important to me. I have to hear it for my self.

"Do you still love me?" Chloe instantly tenses. A blush comes across her face and she shifts.

"Uh-what?"

"I said do you love me?" Now any sane person will think that I am asking this because I might want to get back with Chloe. And they would be correct. Only I am not a sane person so this doesn't apply.

"I'm not sure why this information matters." Aubrey says clearly coming to Chloe's rescue as I have just put her on the spot. I send her a look that causes her to send that look right back to me.

"I just need to know."

"But why?" Chloe and notice she is looking at Emily also.

"I-uh..." I scratch my head. " I-uh just need to know." Emily nudges me and I give her a side glance. "Chloe I spent this whole time, since the time you left till several hours ago, convincing myself that you, in fact, did not love me. I tried so hard to believe that it was all a lie and it was just a game to you. I guess I just need a clarification that maybe I was wrong." Emily understood what I needed from this confirmation. I needed to fix that part of myself that hesitated and would never believe someone like Chloe would ever love me. "I need to know that I am a person that can be loved in a realistic way." Chloe takes a side glance at Aubrey.

"Yes... I do." I nod and she looks down at her hands. I breath out the breath I didn't know that I was holding. "I loved you so much Beca, everything was true all of it. And now I can't say that I don't have feeling for you anymore."

"I loved you too Chloe, my day started and set with you. My life was you." I saw noticing that I have gripped Emily's hand a bit harder. "I'd be lying to you and everyone, including myself, if I said that I didn't anymore. That is the one that I couldn't wash away or drink away." I look at the my hand that carries Emily's. "I did whatever I could to make you happy Chloe." I rub my temple with my free hand. "God, I loved you and I am sure anyone with eyes saw that." I play with Emilys hand and look at those brown eyes that have been my safe haven the past several months. Those eyes that made me calm at the beginning of this. Those eyes that have become one of my favorite things about her. And it hits me and I guess I always knew. I give her a small smile. "But I love Emily more…" I feel her tense. "Emily came into my life and showed me what it was like to be happy again, in the present." I turn to look at Chloe. "When I look at you Chloe, all I see are past memories. All I see is what you did and it overshadows our whole life together." Tears fall from my face and I can feel myself letting go."Like I said I don't know how long it'll take but I'll try to have this be ok."

"OK Beca." She sends me a smile with tears in her eyes and I can feel my body release all the hatred. I send her a smile back and this time I know that everything in my life is going to be ok because my black hole has started to disappear.


End file.
